iron man v2

Listening to : Daylight - Kelly Rowland

I hate it when it comes to a point when I have to grow up.

Sadly, I don't want to. I'm glad that I'll always try to be very young at heart.

Through many things, sports and games and friends and all.

I don't wanna grow old too fast.

It may seem really really naive.

But I don't want to come to a place where by I start thinking more than necessary.

When I have to really care much about my livelihood.

When I have to actually lose my energy.

It just hit me only today actually.

I'm turning 21 next year.

In fact, I'm quite sad and happy that I'm doing so.

To be this carefree and happy is honestly quite a rare sight I must say.

Either way, I doubt I'll be thinking like an adult anytime soon.

So the new year is in just a matter of 2 days away.

I'm quite excited for it actually.

When the things that really matter present itself in front of you, you have to make those right choices. Especially in these days when life gets so so busy.

Sadly, I've yet to think of my resolutions for the new year...

One thing I know for sure.

I'm gonna make sure that I start this year right.

With strength, prayer and wisdom.

Cause now that I have an Iron Man in front of me every time I look at my computer.

It reminds me of a very simple fact.

That one day, I'll be making the impossible, possible.

Unconquerable soul

Listening to : She's got you High - Mumm Ra

It takes one person to revolutionize the country.

It takes one simple act to do so.

Very similarly, it takes one solid movie to change the World.

When I came across the trailer of "Invictus", it seemed surreal.

So much so that one person doing one single act can change the World.

It's something which I love. Cause it makes you champ yourself.

To start the new year.

How do we inspire ourselves to greatness when nothing less will do

How do we inspire everyone around us to do the impossible?

Maybe that is the meaning of 2010 for me.

To inspire the one beside to do the impossible with me.

Times are changing, so do we.

We become more than ourselves, more than a statement.

Just take some time to hear, that is the cry of our people.

Cause that is our destiny.

I am the Master of my Fate, I am the Captain of my Soul.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Missing presencts

Listening to : Syndicate - The Fray

The lights gleem so brightly nowadays.

Brighter than the usual christmas seasons.

It kind of makes the life we live happier. But at times, is it?

I just thought that, if possible, a present need not be something materialistic.

We always forget that our presence may be a present to another.

That is to me. Especially on a day like this.

I just find it mysterious on occasions, where are those presents......

time

Listening to : Bright Lights - Placebo

The year is really inching to an end.

Day by day. It makes 2009 a whole lot more meaningful.

I tend to have a small flashback to the past everytime I start blogging this season.

Hopefully things which I recall are those which are good and memorable.

The way this year is ending is alot better than others.

Of which, I really like.

I look back at the goals in which I want to fulfill at the start of the year.

I'm rather pleased everytime I look at it.

Alot of it have been accomplished and finished.

I took up 2 courses in the year.

Managed to finish my Marathon.

In the process of getting one saved.

Loving shiming a whole lot more.

Doing so much more in ministry.

Connect group growing.

Learning and loving God so much more.

God's light shines

Listening to : You Deserve - Hillsong

This has been one hell of a year. How so?

I must say that it is really one of the years when things really have changed.

Turned for the better I hope.

Either way, I'm sure that things were better of at the end of the year compared to when we first started off.

Yeah, there has been tough and troubling times.

But indeed, the time of reckoning is really now.

I'm glad that the year is ending in such a manner. It really has been a great one.

They say that at times, the best things for you are those which hurts you most?

I have to admit, it really is true.

Some things I'm sure of, certain things I'm just stubborn in.

However, if I have not made the arrangements, I would have missed today.

If God didn't move to make availabilities, I wouldn't have been moved in such a manner.

The Thanksgiving service was indeed phenomenal.

It was a blast, in fact, it made me recalibrate myself to think of the past year.

How things have changed, how things have moved.

The various impossible tasks that have been accomplished the past year.

So much so that I have to pen it down in this blog before it slips my mind in my sleep.

From the very start of the year, till now.

I cannot help but smile and really be thankful for everything that has happened.

Be it good or bad, I accept it with no regrets.

Singing the songs, watching the performances, but more than that, hearing the lives of those whom have been impacted and have changed.

What made me feel really at home was when Pastor said that the last time all have come together was during the 'Cross' Recording.

Of which, I was present.

And very true enough, to see how the whole hall has changed. It really brings a great warmth to my heart and arcs on my lips.

Today really reignited the very first and true vision that I have had.

To impact the people. One at a time.

That was it, as simple as that. So I didn't need so many fancy gadgets.

It brought fond memories of the calls to random members at night.

One every night, every week, every month.

The cultural mandate. That was another hit in my heart and mind.

To really be the light of the city. As I sang those songs.

I really thank God for all that he has done. It is really by his grace.

But I have much more to do, much more to change.

So what was the line which has really changed me this year?

When was the time when I felt God most?

What was the experience which will leave it's impression in me this year?

LOUD camp.

It was then when I felt God so tangibly.

I couldn't even stand up straight.

It was so real to me, I was so sure that it wasn't something natural.

I knew that I have never cried out hard enough.

To feel him once again like that previously. Cause I need to know, I need to feel once again if not I can't go on. And he did, in a very very strong way.

That really blew me totally away. From then on, it was never the same.

That was the benchmark which I really looked up to.

It was funny how the message was so appropriate and similar that night.

When Pst Audrey preached about Martha and Mary.

It was that similar message which created a strong enough presence 4 years ago.

However, the line which really stayed with me throughout.

Even till now, and I will hold true for the rest of my life.

"I can't imagine a life without you, without you!"

I have always made sure of that.

I will always be in need of his presence, his love, his life in me.

I am so thankful of our church, our God.

Because of him, I am where I am today.

So what is the soundtrack for this few encounters?

Light of the City - CHC

You Deserve - Hillsong

Holy - CCC

Today - CCC

This is our God - Hillsong

God of my Forever - CHC

Because of You - CHC

Worthy - CCC

Nothing is Impossible - Planet Shakers

2

Listening to : Down - Jay Sean

The date draws nearer.

Part of me wants more time to make more preparations.

Another just wants it over and done with.

Since when was this ever a period to be busy and get down to thinking.

But guess this is the unselfish thing to do.

Sometimes the flesh may just overcome at times. Giving thoughts of laziness.

On the other hand, the year really is ending. I didn't exactly wish to blog much.

Here's part 2 of my soundtracks of 2009.

Falling for you - Colbie Cailat

Somehow the part which makes me think too much about relationships? But eventually always ending up happy and all.

Evacuate the Dancefloor - Cascada

What else but the beat which fuels the fun times. Both in FSS and in the nights! :)

Don't Forget - Demi Lovato

Reminds me of how things can really be as simple and being happy is easy.

Spaceman - The Killers

The times when science just excites me and I just bought my Einstein book!

Built to Last - Melee

Haven't heard a more meaningful song in a long time. Especially during NS.

Smile - Uncle Kracker

The time when I was rather down and disappointed. but realized that there're people to cheer me up. And true enough, things always turn out for the better!

She's my Winona - Fallout Boy

Back in the squadron when I really got it hard. I used to say, Hail all GLORY!

Here we go again - Demi Lovato

When it was rather tough in the mornings, this will keep me up and running!

Pork and Beans - Weezer

A particular movie, can't remember. but I clearly remember the essence of it. That I live my life how I want it, and nobody can stop me!

Ignorance - Paramore

The BEST from them and I have to admit, rather stuck on this song cause of the beat.

Because of you - CHC

During the 20th anniversary. It was epic, when the videos were played, the people who came. I was just overwhelmed. I slept only 2 hours but it was enough. Watching how we have all grown.

Party in the USA - Miley Cirus

What else? LA TRIP!

Future Love - Kristinia Debarge

When I got my license, a favourite when I'm driving around!

Watcha Say - Jason Derulo

The very first fusion and I have to admit, a good one!

Outta Control - Pitbull

The very first wednesday night in a very long time. YUP!

Talk You Down - The Script

The days in PAR Centre. I really miss those days

You belong to me - Taylor Swift

I like it when Shiming Sings it to me!

False Pretense - Red Jump Suit Apparatus

The hardcore training days when I watched Never Back Down and feels all so pumped up!

Alright, those are the songs of the year! This is the Soundtrack I have used to get by 2009!

Time again

Listening to : Mistletoe - Colbie Cailat

Just find it strange at times. When the season is so obvious, people miss out on it.

When there are so many better emotions to feel than sad.

Yes, we can control out emotions.

Listening to : Have yourself a merry little Christmas - Colbie Caillat

Through all these years, every Christmas never seems to present itself with these surprises.

It's a time of giving.

But more than that, I guess it is a time when relationships are fostered.

It's a time when the family reunites more than ever.

I've come to realize that there really isn't a need for the 'mood' of the season.

Cause like many things, the mood comes from inside.

When you decide to choose to make this season a special one.

This year, I really want to make it special.

Nope, not with many presents and all.

But just with the people I'm with. I don't really fantasize about the greatest gifts.

taking a stroll down the roads.

Looking up at the stars, counting them and failing, trying again.

Maybe this is the season that it's meant to be.

In the midst of the oh so busy period of inviting friends, parties and services.

Sometimes it really is refreshing to lie back and enjoy.

Just like how the Christmas was 3 years ago.

I really liked that, I liked it alot in fact.

With just candles to light up the night, music to sooth the atmosphere.

and the smiles to capture it all.

Yeah, though not everyone may be having the sweetest of all Christmases.

Some are having some problems all in the midst of it all.

But maybe it'll be great to just take time out and focus on the joy of the season instead of basking in your business.

Like how we always look forward to Christmas as a kid.

I wonder how many people share a similar experience anymore.

I remember waiting till the clock strikes 12 and opening them wrapped presents excitedly.

Now when it reaches 12, I guess the best present I can have is your smile.

take me

Listening to : I got you - Leona Lewis

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,
Oh lets go back to the start.
Running in circles, Comin' in tails
Heads on a science apart.
Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh take me back to the start.
I was just guessin' at numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start.
Runnin' in circles, Chasin' tails
Comin' back as we are

My walls are decorated, colored. Without help, it will fail. I need some real divine breakthrough.

Soundtrack of my summer

Listening to : Crush - Frankie J

Finally a little time to do nothing.
I need such times, hate it when I'm up to my neck with activities.
Feels as though it is work all over again.
Just that I'm not exactly suffering and getting paid for it.
Either way, I have to admit that it was fun the past few days.
The strange part is that I take back the parts which really hurt at times.
Wonder how long will this period last.
The time of business, the time of seeing the common.

So the year is finally coming to an end. Normally I would love to do this after Christmas.
But I realized that I will never have the time to properly reflect on the times when I really had fun and the times which really changed my lives this year.
Hmmm, So the final evaluation of this year?
It's been one of the best yet.
No, I haven't had to most breakthroughs, the most victories.
But I guess it's just a time when I came to a peace with myself.
Guess it's the year I got a passion back again as well.

Guess my days and life is always etched by songs.
There are always them soundtracks which will make it sound so much sweeter.
I've got many of them, if I were to list them for my entire life, it'll take me forever.
But an example would be The everglow by Mae signifying 1st 3 months in CJ.

So here goes.

You make it real - James Morrison
The initial stages of the year after catching a few movies. Making me feel all fuzzy inside cause I've got shiming with me..
Love Bug - Jonas Brothers
Not a very nice song honestly, but a song I'll remember cause of the family. XY kept on singing it over and over again in January when we met up. Makes me feel happy and all. Haha.
Knights of Cydonia - Muse
Distinct time of pain and suffering. Yes indeed, in my running stages. This will be a power up song in my run as i pass the mid way of 8 km. When pain surges in my legs, this song gives me the euphoria.
Leaving - Jesse McCartney
After the pain recedes, this is when I start to pick up the pace for running again!
American Suitehearts - Fall Out Boy
Reminds me of days in the airfield. When I take the laser out and to an inspection. I'll never fail to hear this song for some reason. Me and Gary will always sing to it.
Second Chance - Faber Drive
The cooldown period for the BDPs. Alvan and David always singing to this song.
Imitation - Melee
The start of the period when I decided to change in terms of my spiritual life.
Right Round - Flo Rida
The epic movie of the year, the "Hangover". Ridiculous but one of the funniest ever!
Sweet Dreams - Beyonce
I have to admit, one of them party songs of the year. I clearly remember this when I made the worst choice of my life this year.
Friday I'm in Love - The Cure
CPT Joyce will always play this and tell me. "You are really young know!" Which makes me realize and feel that I shouldn't waste my youth!
Halo - Beyonce
Sadly, reminds me of my buddy, whom always shouts this in the office.
Saturday Nights Alright - Nickelback
Always my rev up song for the weekend. Very often for the particularly wrong reason. HAHAHHA. But an awesome song nonetheless
Life in technicolor ii - Coldplay
Nothing less than a Perfect Coldplay concert. So awesome. So sweet.
Give it to you - Sean Paul
Race day for Sundown. The start of the race and lots of pain.
7 things - Miley Cirus
The completion of the race. Strangely, the song which kept me going through my toughest time in the run. I thought of Shiming. :)
Circus - Britney Spears
The phase in the year when I was crazy for Basketball again. Trying to do them circus shots.
Look after you - The Fray
When all the stress from work fades away. This makes me really miss my girl at times.
Just Dance - Lady Gaga
Krazy - Pitbull
The best and one of my favorites. To party that is.
Whatever you like - TI
The days in talkdown when we'll play deal and Adrian will make fun of everyone using this song. Ridiculous but hilarious!
This is our God - Hillsong
One of the services when the presence was incredibly thick. Derrick was beside me and we weeped together.
Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne
LOUD CAMP! Somehow this upbeat song totally reminds me of it!
My Hero - Foo Fighters
Oh the rock in my soul. When I totally loved this year.
No surprise - Chris Daughtry
Never totally liked this song, but Shiming keeps on wanting to play it which got me into it as well!
Supermassive Blackhole - Muse
Simply the song of screaming and output for most of the year.
Don't Forget - Demi Lovato
The midnight trips to macdonalds with mark kwek and gang to eat supper all the time
Someday - Rob Thomas
Pretty much a song of hope for most of the year as well.

So much more. But this is a first list. Love it all.

untied

Listening to : Haven't met you yet - Michael Buble

I enjoy every moment of this season.
Of love, of happiness.
However, it makes me question the value of it all.
The reason for the season is indeed obvious. Of which, I thoroughly enjoy.
But I hate it when I'm caught too much in the rut and always veering off the obvious course.
To really bask and enjoy this time.
The christmas which I really enjoyed was one many years ago.
With just 2 of us and candles.
I love that. It makes all things seem worth it.

The season of giving?
What more can you possibly give than your love, your life.
To the total fulfillment of anothers goals and passion.
It'll be more than satisfying to achieve it.
Don't get me wrong, presents are wonderful and all.
But don't look at the gift, but the giver.

Somehow, this year, the season just seems shallow.
I don't know why.
Maybe it's really just me pondering a little too much for my own benefits.
I just can't wait for a time to really enjoy the company that I have.

I may be hard to love, But I hope you still do.

Nothing to lose this time round.

Listening to : Nothing at all - Alicia Keys
The sky is clear blue today.
Something which I haven't noticed in a while.
Other than the fact that it was blazing hot.
I enjoy the clear sky. It makes life seem all the more clear.
People really need to be contented with the simplicities of life.
Something which I honestly treasure and embrace.
I don't need fancy houses, huge cars, many friends, large attention.
Yeah, though at times, I may dress or speak like I attract alot of it.
I don't exactly need it. I guess it may be the change in the mood of the season.
Right now, it could be one of solitude.

Funny how it seems that the grass is really always greener on the other side.
The pastures nowadays are filled with people and marge company.
But this is the time when I may actually want to be alone.
Or maybe with one or two friends.
Yeah, its the spirit of Christmas to be with a family and all.
But, sometimes I just want to be with the people whom I really treasure.
I realized that when someone gives the excuse of others being exclusive and being neglected, they very often easily get hurt.
It is very natural. But to succumb to it is bad. To dwell on it is worst. To act on it is just terrible. I guess that's why I hate being part of like a "group".
To deal with all these redundancies and wasting all the energy to fix them all up.
True that these trials do give more and more opportunities to grow.
But, sometimes, I just don't want to get involved in these things.

Maybe cause I never really have been in a long time. I can't say that I know how people feel and that I can sympathize withe those feeling rejected.
No I can't. Cause I never have been.
Perhaps that's why I ain't in such situations.
Maybe that's why I'm afraid of it.
At the same time, it is me not living up my destiny at times.
I hold on to those whom I can lay my life down for.
Whether they will do the same is another question.
But at least I'm sure of them.
Which makes me wonder why I left to begin with.

It may have been sweeter.

Oooh

Listening to : Monster - Lady Gaga

The battle with the flesh.
Something that is very constant in the World we live in today.
The constant fight which makes decision making difficult.
The derivative which originates from the one sole issue called pride.

What to do to overcome it?
Simple.
Fast.
Yes, FAST. To tame your flesh and take dominion over it.
To leesh it and to tie it up so much so you can control it.
You assault it at times to ensure that it does not retaliate.
When it does, you attack back at it.
Then you will reach a point where there is peace within.
It isn't easy. But to see a breakthrough, yes this is what you have to do.

Are you game?

Listening to : Black Box - Stan Walker

If you believe you can do it, then go all out for it.
Without reservation, give it your 100%. Anything short of it and they'll notice.
These were the words which one of the team mates imparted to me.
He said it with so much trust in me.
That if I know that I can, I go for it, and he will take the chance believing in me.
Yes, there are times when the disc doesn't always reach me. However, it's a great effort.
And most of the time, it's really beautiful to see it that way.
Today's game taught me that.
To not give up and show some spirit and fight till you die.
You don't stop trying and keep on keeping on.
With scars on your legs and hands. But it's all good.

I found it strange when someone placed his trust in me so easily.
Put it very bluntly, as a newbie, I'm surprised he did so.
It isn't very easy. But he did, with all his heart.
I could tell from the look in his eyes that he did trust me to catch it no matter how it flew.
Surprisingly, it didn't give me more pressure than normal.
But in fact, it made the game very light.
I made it a point to lighten everyone's mood to ready the charge.

Now that I think about it.
Would I do the same if I were in his shoes?
Will I place all my hope in a guy who isn't as seasoned in the arts?
It is a very high risk.
Doing so can result in 2 very very obvious consequences.
1) We succeed and that the trust placed was correct and future ventures will be treated with alot more confidence in this individual.
2) Success is adverted. Everyone's spirit is dampened and failure is explicit and hope seems lost.

However, will I still do the same?
To place my trust in an individual whom I barely know.
To hand him the rights to determine the results of the game or for any event.
When it all boils down to the this decision.
I would. It may be very very risky and success rate is very uncertain or honestly low at times.
But without this chance, he will not be that much closer to doing the impossible.
Like what I strongly believe.
Conquering the impossible is not without countless failures.

Today was the first.

I believe I believe

Listening to : Fix you - Coldplay

The best messages, the best speeches I ever like to hear.
Are those which inspire you to do the impossible.
No, not the difficult but the things which are said CANNOT be done.
Sounds very far fetched? But there are so many promises in the Word that it can be done.
Impossible was something that someone has set in your mindset.
Yeah, certain laws were put into place to really control the limitations of humans.
However, if you really believe you can do it. I'm sure one day you can.
This was the case for the wright brothers.
As the same for many other scientist before that.

It only takes one person to encourage and to believe in you to make it all seem worthwhile.
Doing the impossible is no easy feat.
As the word already says, it's literally impossible.
Overcoming all odds against you and rising up to the occasion.
It takes courage and some guts to take on the challenge.
I love it when people go up on stage to say that they have pretty much done the impossible.
At the same time, I hate it when people do put me down.
When people do say that whatever I am doing cannot be accomplished.
For I know that it can be done.
At times, that person putting me down may very well be myself.
Which is very hypocritical if you think about it.
However, that is human nature. But then again, this is a mindset drilled in our brains to limit our potentials.

Impossible is merely a word.
It's a real limitation placed in our minds to hinder us from doing the things which will amaze, inspire, create, motivate, love.
Imagine, breaking the record for Usain Bolt.
Was it impossible? Yes it is, because it has never been done before.
However, that's what I like about REAL athletes.
Impossible is not in their dictionary.
They always believe, always trust in their talents and guidance.
Though it is fact that they are not as strong, not as fast as others.
They still relentlessly keep trying over and over again cause they think that it can be done.
That in one way or another, they can break their bodily limitations and achieve what was called impossible for some others.
If everyone believed in this word called impossible.
Then nobody would take part in races.
But it's when you shed that screen of mentality.
It's when you take that first breathe into believing and forgoing human thoughts.
That's when you achieve it.

Through you I can do everything. I can do all things.
Nothing is impossible.

This is one of my favorite songs as of now.
Really inspiring people to take the step out into the unknown, the unpredictable.
Everyone should aspire to do one thing impossible in their lives.
Cause that's one thing I will definitely be a strong advocate of.
I'll be behind the stands of the believers and not the doubters.
No matter how far fetched it may be, I'll believe with them.
Because there were those whom were behind me when it was said it was impossible.
They pulled me up when I was struggling, they laughed with me when I did succeed.
Through the times, in the tracks, in the ministry, in the library.
All of these places.

Right now, it's all about taking who you are and going all out for it.
It takes time, it takes alot of effort.
It takes even more failures for you to eventually reach it.
To succeed in it, it's simple.
You need 1% Inspiration, 99% Perspiration.
But also, you need 101% heart.
For the screams of joy at the end line as you kneel down with hands lifted high is definitely a euphoric feeling which can never be replaced with another.

Tomorrow will be a day when I will break this.
I will achieve.
Then with hands lifted high, I will thanks God.

Time for miracles

Listening to : Uprising - The Veronicas

So the past few days I've been making up for lost time.
I'm really glad that I'm able to do so.
Some may say that this is selfish, like we have our whole lives together and have others to care about. But honestly, we're both just like that. I can't help it.
There's even a phrase for it, called HBB.
Yeah, that's totally not a new phrase. We are often called that.
But who cares, seriously, that's life.
We can argue all we can. But I won't change a single thing. Cause we need it.

Besides the point. Caught 2 movies the past 2 days.
Awesome feeling.
2012 and New Moon.
Sadly, the latter was utterly disappointing.
Sorry to all Twilight fans, it was really disappointing.
This is honestly a show for emo people. Cause it was real draggy and rather sorrowful.
In fact, very sad a show.
Yeah, there were the exciting parts. But no real 'meat' in the story. All too predictable.
Well, when I got home, I'm glad I realized that I wasn't the only one feeling that way.
Even CNA reporters gave a negative critic about it.
Calling it a 'long bad, break up'
Well, here's what they said.
"After watching "New Moon", the second instalment of the wildly popular "Twilight" series, I felt immense sorrow. Not because the story was particularly sad, but because the two hours spent watching the film was two hours of my life I can never get back. The tepid film crawled along at a snail's pace, finally ending after a boring 130 minutes."
Basically If you have yet to watch it, reconsider. 2012 is better.

Yeah, in fact, 2012 was so much more meaningful.
It makes people leave the cinema thinking about life.
About who we have around us. What we have left to treasure.
Admist all the high packed action and sad disasters.
Countries turning into disasters and in fact, literally seeing the world end.
It was quite a shocking movie from the start.
But it really left a mark in my mind.
What if the world was really ending tomorrow but we all just didn't care.
That we all continued to live our lives ignorant of this danger.
Then again.
We should treat everyday as if it's our last.
So what would you be doing if you were going to die like tomorrow?
What will you honestly do?
Strangely, I came across this great saying.

"Even if the World is ending tomorrow, I'll still plant my Apple tree."

I've had that quote staring at me since I was in secondary school.
However, I never really understood what it meant till now.
It kind of gives me two interpretations.
1) I believe in life strong enough such that it can overcome death itself. I won't give in to simple myths and continue living my life as it is.
2) Even if the World is really really going to end and I'll die. I won't change my lifestyle, I won't alter a single moment of my life. I love what I'm doing, planting my Apple tree is not just work to me, its sheer joy. To be able to create life for a split second for it to enjoy.

Though the former does seem hopeful, I'd rather like to think of it as the latter.
This was when Shiming really asked me, what will I do if I'm goign to die tomorrow.
Specifically, what will I do?
Will I travel the World?
Will I take time out to bask in all my earnings and savings?
Honestly, I'll do neither, I'll just continue doing what I do everyday?
No, not because I have no ambitions, no dreams.
Just that whatever I'm doing now is what I love.
It gives me so much joy, what I study, what I work for, already brings me joy, I can die right here, right now, happy.
I'll wake up, call my girlfriend, see if she's awake.
Meet some friends for a god session of frisbee, run or gym.
Go hang out with my friends.
Have a great dinner with my girlfriend.
Look through the marvels of physics towards the end of the day.
That will be my last day.
This is my Apple tree, and I will still continue to plant it even if the World is ending tomorrow.

However, honestly, 2012 is a myth.
It very likely that it will not happen.
But then again, you'll never know.

Zone

Listening to : Someday - Rob Thomas

In the silence of the pitch, you stand.
There's always the psyche up speech by one of the experienced guys.
To stay focused, stay together.
Then comes the call for the pull. On both ends, you and your opponents are hesitating, becoming nervous. Hands become cold, thats the worst.
The D starts to call for their man.
I like the flashy ones, so I get them.
Once all strategy has been set and comprehended, then comes the pull.
"Go go go go go!"
You stay with your man like you life depends on it.
When moving too far forward, the sideliners call 'DEEP!"
Sometimes it's too late, the huck is already in the air, all you can do is hope it drops, or make it drop. It's all on you.
You don't think sometimes, you just do. Taking the lay out, the dive for the D.
You smash into the ground, covered with mud in your face, bruises in your hands.
Stunning for a moment, getting up soon after. You realise it's yours now.
The disc is with us, the O.
"ATTACK!"
Literally like how it feels in a warfare situation.
The stack is horizontal.
The inside man moves forward and the deep reciprocates by taking it back.
the handler, or the point guard has ten seconds to release the disc.
Then from what was silence becomes a junk yard of noise.
"Get in position!"
"Don't CUT MY LANE!"
"Get out of there!"
"Going deep! DUMP IT NOW!"
"UP!!"
"Hold your man now!"
"Huck it!"
"GOGOGOGOGO"
"RUN!!!!!!!!!"
"AHHH"
"TURNOVER! D D D D D D D"
"Make the cup!"
"BY ME, Follow by me!"
"Good D!"
"HUCK IT LIKE ITS HOT!"
"Great run!"
"Thats what we do, that's what we do."
Those are the few words which matter on the pitch.
Everyone of them crucial.
Everyone of them vital to the success of the game.
However, that's leading the charge.
When it comes to you are the end zone, that's what matters.

Maybe

Listening to : The Scientist - Avril Lavigne

It resides in the brain but also the heart.
It arrives early but leaves very, very late.
It knows everything that rotates around it.
It's what keeps you going stride after stride, game after game.
It believes it can become anything that it wants to be.
Except satisfied.
Look out into the fields, you can see it.
You can't touch it, but you can definitely feel it.
It makes broken bones, sprained ankles, forgivable.
It never ever takes a night off
Desire.

Something that one needs to have in everything that you do.
In order to do it well.
You have to want it bad enough, to give your relentless effort for it.
You need to make that chase, to spend hours after hours reading about it, challenging yourself to accomplish it.
It seems never ending, the work is terrible. But don't give yourself excuses.
Take the plough, work the hours, give the time.
Spend 10000 hours to become an expert at it.
It definitely comes with pain, with struggle. But that's the joy in it.
To become legendary, to be in the hearts of the people, is to live forever.
My dreams have not changed since. It will not change for the next few years.

It's not about how well you can do it.
It's not about the gear, it's not about the talent.
It's about knowing where you're going, not forgetting where you started.
It's about having the courage to fail, not breaking when you're broken.
Taking everything you've been given and making it better.
It's about work before glory.
It's what inside of you, doing what they say you can't.
It's not about your gifts, it's what you do with them.
It's about being who you were born to be.

To repeat over and over again.
To be stubborn with failure, to toss and wrestle with the thought of giving up.
But don't back down. Take the patience for it will come sooner or later.
But don't wait for nothing.
Success isn't dropped, it isn't calculated.
It's earned.

Maybe it's my fault, maybe I led you to believe that it was easy when it wasn't.
Maybe I made you think that my highlight started in the auditoriums and not in the tracks.
Maybe I made you think that every trial that I encountered, was a winner
That my game was built on flash and not fire.
Maybe it's my fault the failure gave me strength.
That Pain, was my motivation.
Maybe I led you to believe that standing on the game day was a god given gift and not something I worked for, every single day.
Maybe I destroyed the mentality.
But maybe, you just making excuses.
Just maybe.

I love this place

Listening to : With or without you - Keane

I'm fairly surprised once again by the viewership of this blog.
I chose not to have a tagboard to keep myself ignorant about it.
To my surprise, there really are a few who do take time to read it.
Thus I am rather pleased. However, please do not be mistaken.
This blog is not emo! If it paints an emo picture that you are clearly deceived.
I just try to engrave my life and thoughts slightly more expressively.

I have spent some time to think it over.
I have always thought that it isn't the right time to take action.
However, right here, right now.
The opportunity presents itself once again.
I honestly feel that I don't deserve it. Honestly, there are many others who really do more than me. Some others may even desire it more too.
Inadequate may be the word which keeps flashing across my mind right about now.
Yeah, I do feel that way sometimes.
However, the fact that some people really do believe in me.
Alot of them believe in me more than I do for myself.
Things have changed and I'm very glad that it has changed for the better.

The only thing and issue that I have to deal with is commitment.
Like what was preached today.
It's time to start working, to throw in the axe and start working on the ground.
It does take some effort to sacrifice all the time to be part of a bigger world.
Many whom don't even know me gladly accept me into this group without even knowing my abilities, which makes me feel very at home.
No it isn't similar to the days of the old Jurong West.
But I'm happier this way, I don't wish to go back.
I don't wish to backtrack, but I want to make things grow from here.
Will I choose this path?
Yeah, I will, it takes some sort of guts and at the same time proper mentality.
The 'just do it' spirit.
No, I'm definitely not ready.
But I don't need to be to ready to be doing something like this.
I want to really engage and do something that matters.
If others believe in me, if others really trust me so much.
I wouldn't want to let them down.
I wouldn't want to let myself down.
I'll make this effort to climb up one pitch at a time.

Paradise

Listening to : Paradise City - Guns and Roses

Maybe I really am still naive.
However, it doesn't warrant treating me like I am.
Oh well, I really should be bigger and accept the fact.
I should be respecting my elders.

They say that grass is greener on the other side?
Hmmm, yeah, take me to paradise city where the grass is greener!
Well, all talk, there's no such place.
You are in paradise city.
You make it your paradise city. That's the way!

I did a little thinking yesterday.
I seem to lead too much of a happy go lucky life?
Too much to the point that I think that it actually leads to laziness
I'm really too easily contented such that when tasks are given to me, I really can't be bothered.
Call me a physical Junkie, I think that's what I am.
I'll do anything which really involves exercise.
But in terms of everything else. It's going to be a little difficult.
I know I shouldn't be like that, sleep lesser, play less, work more.
I think it's about time to start.

However, if I really do start working and all, I'm afraid honestly.
That I become too serious, become possibly not myself.
I take pride in the times where I'm able to confidently say that I'm not too affected by externalities because I'm very often ignorant or ain't thinking too much.
Yeah, I'm aware when it comes to relating to others and all.
But you see, I'm aware, but I don't wish to get involved.
Oh well, this week is over AGAIN.
Hopefully next week will pass slightly slower with lesser sleep.

CHINESE

Listening to : Everybody in Love - JLS

I still hear the roars of the F5 right above my head.
Well, I'm surprised to say that I really do miss FSS, it has been great there.
The ORD life is seriously too overrated. I practically have nothing to do nowadays.
Yes, I am lazy. Very lethargic and unwilling to really get any job done.
I'm just very afraid to lose my freedom. Somewhat that sounds really sad!
I have been sleeping at 4 everyday and waking up at 12 or so. it's honestly rather ridiculous.
Yeah I spend my day doing something more or less productive.
Be it training for frisbee or sending my girl home. Either way, I try to make it a point to do something useful every single day.
The worm inside me should grow out of this lazy streak soon I hope.
I'm going to give it till mid December to snap out of this lifestyle.
After that, it's time to get down to some serious business.

Yesterday I went over to JW to join in the leaders meeting.
Rather surprised cause Most of the Connect Group leaders were invited.
I love going back to JW. It brings back real fond memories.
I remember talking about places of victories before.
One of those places in which I am confident is my place of victory is JW itself.
Yeah, thats the place where my foundation was constructed.
It was the place for many firsts. However, I don't want to dwell too much in that.
The future should always be looked forward to. Which is to me, better.
I hold strong to what many say, that you should never wish to go back to former glory.
You should look forward to the future no matter how shabby you are now.
Oh the complications of it all.

On the other hand, it was A Pst Dennis Balcombe whom preached yesterday which warranted the invite to the meeting.
Well, I was rather surprised by it cause the moment I saw him, I knew he was familiar.
I've seen him before.
The moment he speaked, I remembered.
He came many years ago when I was still in secondary school.
However, he will always stay sketched in my mind.
He had so much passion for the lost, for a vision he practically learnt 2 new languages to evangelize. Yeah, thats really inspirational.
He preached a great word about the commitment that we need to have towards China and all.
The last time, when he came, his message was really about how passionate the chinese are.
He flashed videos of people really praising in the villages in the rural areas.
It was very impactful.

It makes you wonder.
You're living such a puny self centered life.
When we try to say we are living for others, simply hearing stories like that make you doubt that statement altogether.
We really are privileged to be hear having freedom not being oppressed literally.
I want to change.