Saturday, December 31, 2011

Looking back

There're just moments in life, when you look back.
Sometimes you smile, sometimes you frown.
But ultimately, 2011 is coming to an end.
It's really ending, all the good times, the bad times.
It's all coming to a close and we're all gonna start afresh again in 2012.
Maybe not everything has a restart button to be pushed and tadah, everything is sweet and peachy again...
We may not be able to change the situation we're in but....
Perhaps we can change our perspectives of the year.
Looking back, 2011 was by far, the most dramatic year of my life, ever.
I must say that I've thoroughly lived every single moment of it...
I've grown, I've stumbled, I've learnt, I've changed.
This year, I've found myself, who I am and have lived that way ever since.
Doubt I'll really be recollecting moments... Cause these moments aren't exactly defining of the year.
I guess I wanna pen down, well, the things that I've learnt from these events the past year.

1) It takes a decision.
Your heart shifts, it changes, it gets pulled away from one corner to the other.
But really, what does it stand for?
Yeah, as much as it's an emotion, it's a decision. 
To choose what you want to do and not to let your life simply go with the flow.
Guess this was in January and February, the seperation.
Times were good, they were great. The past will always be gleaming with hope.
But there's a better life ahead waiting for both and every one of us.

2) Your heart is rasher than you think
The heart makes dumb decisions which well, fool you into eventually making them.
Choices are at your disposal.
Don't just use your heart, use your head as well.
However, mistakes of great proportions may be made along the way.
I've made some real dumb ones this year, there're many.
However, one, I really wish I could take back. Rui.
However, live and let live, move on head strong and let's see how things can change.

3) Pillar of Friends
When you're down and out, yeah, that's when your few buds really play in.
This year, I never thought that those who came to me were them.
I really never expected the BDPs to run to my rescue after being in the rut for so long.
Sadly, even family didn't help much. But they did...
Thus, I've gotten much closer to them, many of them have had their own trials and we've stood by ever since. I honestly don't think I can find a better bunch.
It's how these boys just love who you really are...
Not just them but many others as well, YX, YL, Abel, Brenda, Audrey, Der and the 1989s.
All of them have made such a long lasting effect on my life.
These friends in 2011 will never be forgotten and I guess I now know the true need for friendships
Thanks for all the suppers, meet ups, jokes, drinks and laughter

4) Temptations and Mistakes will always come.
It isn't the easiest to differentiate the good from the bad when you have nothing at all.
Everything just seems bad.
So yeah, it all happened so quickly, so easily, to simply fall for another.
When it was all pretty much a wrong decision altogether.
Friends have told me, God has told me but a stubborn man is just a stubborn man.
So sometimes, hold on, but sometimes, let go.
PK was pretty much a big flaw of that sort.
However, I eventually found what I want and what I didn't want.
I had to be at peace with myself, that, I realized.

5) Not everyone is gonna take you as you are
Not everyone is going to accept you as you are, even if they say they will.
Judging is one thing altogether but accepting is a totally different story altogether.
A higher level of acceptance I must say.
Some friends may take you as you are, but some just demand more.
I've learnt that there're people of such sort, that you need to put in effort for it.
That, I have mistaken and never thought it would come to such standards.
Not everyone functions and thinks like you. Some may eventually have the false impressions of relationships.
I had hoped to salvage certain relations but really, some people are simply better off without me.
They simply live happier lives without me.
I know YL will for sure.

6) God is still present
There're moments when you think that everything has gone down the drain and you're pretty much done for.
That's when God suddenly turns up and well, picks you up.
Telling you that there's still an impact in your life.
That he hasn't left you and that YOU can do greater things in every situation and moment.
In Loud Camp, I was given opportunities to do things I never thought I would ever again/
Higher made me realize how dependent I am on GOD and how I simply can't let go so easily.
And Audio Mob reminded me of the impact that we can have on society and the World.
With man this is impossible but with GOD, all things are possible.

7) Be who you really are
There're just times when you need a timely reminder of who you are in GOD.
I guess the past 21 years have been hidden, a mystery, a confusing venture whereby I just had so many sides of Lionel that it wasn't even funny to begin with.
I guess it caused me to break down deep inside bit by bit which eventually climaxed this year.
However, it was also a year whereby I started to find who I really am again.
Be that person and be proud of that, no matter what anyone else says.
In whatever you do, really, your Heart was what mattered.
As much as we all do the things which form our World, guess I learnt to live happy deep down inside.
There was one particular turning point too, when no one else but my brother preached on Uncertainty.
We all do live in uncertainty, every other moment, struggling, but we do so in Faith, Hope and Love.
Yeah, I wanna be a person with stronger resolutions.
But ultimately I realized, I'm a person who will do all I can to get what I want.
When decisions are made, I'll make an effort to make it happen. That's just Lionel for you...

8) Your future is still ahead of you
If there's one thing I've learnt about dreams at all. Is that they don't give up on you that easily as well.
All your dreams, visions are what remains till they're fulfilled.
So they'll remain as that till you do something.
Good news? They'll ALWAYS remain there!
Crossfit did for me despite the worst few moments in the start of the year.
I eventually got certified and was really happy I could finally do something with my talents.
Yeah I've got a long way to go. And I know it, but who cares! It's the journey that counts.
Thank God for not letting such dreams and passions slip away.
There's always always hope for a better future no matter what.

9) Life isn't just about the race
We were all born with a leash around our necks.
Be it in small disciplinary issues to major educational decisions.
We're all just governed by how our society deems us to behave like.
We're all thrown not into something that we wanna do but in my brothers words, our choices are really not our own. So something I learnt this year was to well...
Break away.
To do things from a different perspective cause you just like it. Cause you value your friends.
You're not going through that oh so sad routine but making the most out of your life.
This year, I've met some amazing guys, Rishabh, Arjun and all the other ISE guys have given me that insight
So come on! Live life already.
Stop looking back and forth for the greater good! But take some time to really appreciate what you've got.
In your hands, in this moment of yours. Take just a few of them.
To smile, to be happy and to embrace what you have. Treasure them? Then don't let business take that away. Don't let your options distract you from the priorities.

10) Family matters
It probably means much more now than any other time in the year cause it's the Christmas season.
Family really does mean something to you doesn't it?
I realized that when well, I kinda lost so much. Guess I only had my family left.
Yeah, at times they didn't understand, didn't accept and didn't agree with everything I did.
But eventually, I suppose it isn't just about whether they do or not, but it's that they're family.
Whatever it is, they're always around.
Especially this year when well, we lost Grandpa, never knew he meant that much for all of us.
Never knew how much my family meant to me.
Gong Gong, you're missed dearly by all of us. I just wish you could still be around to see me do great things.
But the legacy you've left behind is amazing. I know you're there looking down...
I guess I  somehow how got some inspiration from other families and realized that the family has to be happy.
Happy with what they have, who they are, not so much of all the achievements and possessions.
But to just be happy with each other.
Also, I learnt that as a Family, I found where I belong again.
As part of my cell group. As part of E406.
You've made every single moment even better this year :)
With all the fun, laughter, tears, sweat and every other thing you can think of!
I really love you E406! You've made me really really a better person. I chose this family :)
Sounds and noise eventually make music, yeah, you guys make the music in mine.

11) The trick is to never ever give up
May sound cheesy but you get what you fight for.
Not everything is served to us warm and hot. Some served cold.
But it's what you make out of it which counts.
I've learnt, this year, to never give up, never relent.
I could've thrown in the towel so many times this year. In my studies, in Crossfit, in relationships.
Most of them I didn't.
Well, that's how I got Kris. Oh yeah.
Be a persistent, stubborn, optimistic Ox as I would call it.
2011 was one filled with trials, challenges and new experiences.
But really, don't forget what makes you, YOU.
This is me, I never give up and I learnt that about myself this year.
Well, to 2012! Come what may! Bring it!

12) You can always learn to Love again
We were all made/meant to be happy. To smile and enjoy life as it is.
However, sometimes when life shuts you down a little, you gotta learn to start the engine again :)
I never knew that it was possible, to actually change myself for the better.
To rid myself of playing and all these bad habits.
But man, it took some effort but I guess it worked. To love and be loved again.
I never knew that really, that 20 seconds of courage, that embarrassing bravery would carry me this far.
Call it what you want, but I suppose I learnt that to love, you gotta plunge deep.
Don't think, Just Do.
To pour everything you are, everything you have into one simple happy person.
From the many date nights, to the uncertain moments between us, to actually getting together and being happy, from ice cream to Krisfit, to the lowest of moments and to the best of them.
Well, it wasn't just simply that, she helped me grow, she changed me. Made me know who I really am.
She brought the better side of Lionel of out me. She gave me the courage to step up and out.
She made me look at the World in a different light, my family and friends with passion.
She made me realize the real meaning of appreciation and Love.
She made me really happy and all true to myself.
I hung that title for her and will never look back. Playa no more.
But really, thank God for Kris. :) 
2011 was a rocky one but it turned out well. Primarily cause of this!
"I'll always run back to embrace you, swing you around and make you smile!'

So the year is over, here's to 2011! It was one helluva year!
It's been filled with so many different forms of emotions, so many different phases.
It was just last year, exactly one year ago, whereby I looked back at 2010 and yeah, it was a year of accomplishments but really, 2011 was one of change, of decision of being truly happy.
If I could change anything in 2011? Nah, I wouldn't, not one thing at all.
I'm contented with the way things are now, I don't wanna ever change any of it.
On this last day of 2011, I can only appreciate all that has happened.
But I believe that in 2012, we will all reach greater heights, cause of everything that has been around me!

So to the 2012 future me.
You'll be happier with your friends, with your family.
You'll achieve more! With the passions that you have. Do what you love!
Don't give up on what you set out to do!
Live life with a full heart, being happy with everything that you're doing!
Appreciate the smaller things around you. Go ahead and do it!
Choose Love! Choose Love! Choose LOVE!
Hopefully this time next year, you'll look back at this post and you'll know you lived a great one in 2012!

"Why would it be a great 2012? Well why not?"
Lets do 2012 together...

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas

I suppose it means different things to different people.
I'm sure that it sparkles in our hearts one way or another.
Be it in gifts, be it in family, be it in Church.
Really, isn't this a great occasion?
But what does Christmas mean to you?

No, it isn't just another time for a good hangover.

In fact, it struck me only just.
Man, Christmas is here, it kinda marks the end of the year and the start of magical times!
Just my 2 cents.
Christmas is simple, it's nostalgic but it isn't really bout the music, food, songs or even friends to church.
Maybe, probably, it's about having those great ones beside you.
About the renewed hope that Baby Jesus was born this day.
That cause of him, we can always be happy.
It's probably not just about me, about the revenue to be earned but the love to be shared.
Not so much of the food but the company which comes with it.

Christmas is a time for you and for me, to be together as Jesus was born this day.
To celebrate life and all it's trials and victories.
Somewhat to be happy and enjoy every moment in this period.

Merry Christmas everyone!