Friday, October 29, 2010

MY GYM

Listening to : -

When someone can say such things about not just your gym, but about your family, about your life, about your cellgroup and even your church. Then that's when you know you've pretty much succeeded.

My Gym from Patrick Cummings on Vimeo.

Just try it, change the words to that organization / cell group you go to.
Does it reflect it that way?

It does make me wonder, if I were to have a cell group.
Just if, one day....
I would want to have a culture of not just a cell group.
But that of a Box and CG combined.
You could say, that is what I truly desire...

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Weight

Listening to : A time for Yohe - Between The Trees

It's easy to say it's too heavy and push it aside.
It's even easier to off load burdens on another person when it get's too heavy.
But this is the sticking point.
The tipping point....
When all you've done all counts for this specific moment.
Whether you step up? Or you back down?
At times, you feel that you're given the weight of the World.
Like everything you've ever thought off is on your shoulders.
Literally, you're trying to carry not just your own... But others as well.
Perhaps that is the impact and the responsibility that a Leader has.
It's not just his own life at stake.
It's probably him and everyone else under him.
When one leader falls it's even more detrimental than anyone else falling.

Yes, the burden is heavy and it's often tough to bear.
I would love to help some people share their burdens at times.
However, sometimes, there's just a fine line which stops us from asking for help.
Maybe... Just maybe, it's the pride inside of us.
Which really hinders whatever we try to do...
That pride inside of us erases the humility within you...
You've gotta learn when to ask for HELP!

I know, I've done so a few times. I know myself that I'm guilty of it at times, of giving it all to myself, placing every single bit of the blame on myself.
I have to admit, carrying such weight is tough.
You're just one person, really...
We've just so much we can take.
I have to admit, some can take more, some can take less....
I for one, have tried my best to hold up for as long as possible.
At times, it's really to no avail whatsoever....
More often than not, I do fail, but the times when I worked with someone...
I seem to make it better.

Sometimes we just wish someone was in my shoes.
Like someone could just understand what I am going through.
We all wish that way, EVERY single one of us does.
So instead of simply just taking, how about trying to put yourself in their shoes for once.
Don't be the taker, but be the giver.
I know the pain we all go through when we force ourselves to try to understand someone when
we honestly have zip experience at all.
It may sound really cliche, but it's really the thought that counts.
Little do we know, by giving a little to that someone, we give that 'hope', we give that 'smile'.
I know I need to give more, at the same time...
Maybe I just need to let more in to my life.
To take a little off these shoulders of mine.
For some to just come and give me that pat when they're just the few who know what I'm exactly going through, what I'm facing with and the pressures I'm up against.
Not many people can appreciate it, really....
I may seem carefree, but often, I've got much on my backs....

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

open heart

Listening to : Darlin - Between The Trees

A smile makes a World of a difference.
Happiness is shared.
More than that, hope is given.....
Sometimes, it does get hard to smile.
To find that joy in life at times.
Somehow, one way or another....
We all seem to be like streams connected to that same river.
It doesn't come naturally, but you have to flow to down.

Simplest thing of all...
We all want to be great and do amazing things.
But sometimes, we all just have that small little plug to fill.
In that someones life.
It may be many, it may be just one.
All other prizes, achievements come to nothing when you see that smile on anothers face.
Everytime you sleep, when you wake.
Your eyes may be closed, or may be open.
But one thing I know, my heart is open.
One smile can take away all sorrows, take your breath away.
Give you hope for the next day.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Live life

Listening to : Say - John Mayer

We all chase some dreams at times. We all want to do things which we believe are right.
I just caught the bucket list due to the random dvd on the table.
Caught it and was amazingly moved.
I mean, really moved.

Sometimes maybe that's what you need.
To come to an end of yourself, to really just want to live your life.
To find that joy that we all already have inside of us.
To say what we always wanted to say...
To do what we always wanted to do...
To live out what we are really here for.
To help someone while you still can.

Then I wonder, what is in my bucket list?
I figured I wouldn't need to be THAT old for me to have one.
Let alone live life to the fullest, do things which I have always wanted to do!
Well, don't get me wrong, not the rash things which get us into trouble.
We all need moderations here and there.
But man... Sometimes you just feel all cooked up doing things you know you shouldn't be.

Guess this all comes together through the past few days...
From the things that Jeff said about having the matters of the heart in action.
Till having a simple bucketlist...
Maybe they aren't as superficial as it all seems, maybe they are dreams and all that.
Maybe they're just random ideas which I really want to see come to pass.
Sometimes they're even the amazing things which appear so little.

But this bucket list of mine will really be all that I want...
I'll never know whats going to come out of this.
I can possibly care so much about my grades, my life, my work.
Till I forget the things which I truly enjoy...
I wouldn't want to waste a single hour.
Well, I would really want to help someone find that joy as well.
I want to live LIFE!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

seems like it's everyday

Listening to : Ordinary People - Asher Brook

After such a long week, it doesn't seem to end.
My rest day, turned out to be a non existent one after all...
Either that or well, I'm starting to run on thin ice.
My mind is constantly pre-occupied with things which shouldn't be there.
Worry, hesitation, sometimes even insecure of whether I'm where I'm supposed to be...
CNS is well, not working too well.
When doing heavy stuff, hesitation is the last thing that you wanna have.
This is kinda happening to me now.
I begin to question, is this the path I'm supposed to walk?

I want to do greater things!
I have that calling, but maybe I'm just not doing it the way I'm supposed to be doing so....
My oh my.... I know I know...
Decisions I have to make need to be based on my vision.
But after a long while, sometimes the path is just too obscure to be true.
It overlaps, loops and comes back to the same location.
Confusing as it sounds, it just seems that way for me.

But it really does seem hard for me to go against what everyone expects of me.
Of a well, supposed 'scholar'....
Little do people know, it's really by God's grace! For me to do anything close to it again is...
Too tough much to ask of me.
Seriously contemplating going back to those days of pure studying is just too detrimental to my soul. Sometimes I do feel in those days, I was somewhat fighting a losing battle.
However, I know that God came through for me, he can do so again.
It is just tough to keep on believing sometimes.

It really does feel that sometimes, I'm on my own.
I know I've got people around me, encouraging me, I really do know....
But how I wish there's really someone willing to slog it out with me.
Nightly, weekly, monthly....
Cause if not, I really don't know how I'm going to survive, needless to say excel...
Sometimes I wish that there was just someone who has a similar vision, goal.
To tell me that they've done it before, that it's doable.

It just seems like it's everyday that I'm running a race which I'm not psyched up for...
I guess I have to live and learn.
I guess I have to grow, I'll never know....
Moving up to the next level is easy to say.... VERY tough to do.
But one thing I do know, I still hold on, very dearly to, the vision that was caught.
Of being the salt and light.
Of doing something greater than myself.
The simple, real vision I have of that in Kuching....

Monday, October 11, 2010

Speak now

Listening to : Higher - The Saturdays

Love is indeed in the air.
After many celebrations. I really am glad it's all been successful.
Many of these moments are greatly taken for granted.
However, when you really begin to get in the mood, to appreciate it all.
You come to realize how amazing things are and have been.

Me and shiming have been together for 4 years now.
Yes, everyone gasp for air. 4 years!
It's been way long, and I'm really thankful for it.
It's not easy at all, however, if there's one thing I realized about Love.
Is that it truly is a very daring thing to do.
You put yourself in the open to be hurt, taking many risks to place your trust in another.
Not trying to make any statements but...
I genuinely think that to love me, the one whom no one can truly fully devote to, is really admirable. I mean, I haven't met anyone ever so dedicated to me before...
Thank you baby, for everything the past 4 years.
I know, mushy TTM.

But either way, I'm not exactly making a VERY big deal about it...
Come on, we're likely going to go all the way...
Yes, I'm confessing very positively. Which I think is very likely.
Which brings me to another joyous event.
Ern Ern's wedding. It was pleasent yet really classy.
Too much for me to even put into words. Anyhow, it's really sweet.
Well, nothing beats Yvonne's wedding though...
AWWWW, I can really feel the love in the air...
Or is it just me?

I'm really pleased and glad that it's finally over. Mid-terms that is...
After such a long and arduous few weeks, I'm more or less done.
I can only thank God for the results which I have gotten.
If it wasn't for his grace, I wouldn't be able to do it. In fact, I ask for more! The battle ain't over yet.
Well, other than that, I'm happy cause I'm going full crossfit again. Gosh....
I'm rather unfit after 2 weeks of inconsistency.
PHEW....

Getting the drive for things again. For the simplest things, many people will do anything to live a life which is happy, carefree.... Well, I can only say... Just Live. :)

Monday, October 04, 2010

Got you....

Listening to : If I ain't got you - Maroon 5

I will probably say that right now is the time when I'm at my best condition.
Not too stressed, enjoying studying, enjoying the time that I have.
Taking it a step down as well. Guess this is the wonderful equilibrium which I have been looking for.
Despite the constant struggle between my current timetable and that of everything else.
I guess I'm coping well! Slightly more positive! I'm sure things will take for the better from here!
Just some random considerations which have been floating in my mind.
I've been doing crossfit for quite some time now.
When's the next time that I'll really step it up.
Guess now everything is 90% alright with my back. However...
Something just seems to be hindering me, maybe it's just my psychological barrier.

Which then made me realize a very real truth.
Something which I noticed today. Well, it was from the start of the day.
Everyone was fired up and ready to go. Even during the warm up stages.
Everyone was doing great with snatches, and cheering each other on.
Due to the size of the class, we had to split the group into 2 heats for the WOD.
In case you don't exactly know, the people in crossfit are highly motivating.
They'll shout, cheer and push you on to do greater.
Something which I personally like about them. However, it's something I never noticed...
Maybe cause the music blasting was slightly softer today.

I was in the second heat, so I took the time to push others to go faster, to go harder.
True enough, they did tremendously well, some said it was really due to the shouting.
However, when it came to my turn, it wasn't the same scenario.
It was seemingly quiet in terms of the cheering.
Then, in my sub-conscience mind (you can imagine this was really at the back of my head while I'm literally catching every single ounce of breath), I realized that they were all just too tired.
Physical or even mental exhaustion had set in upon them.
They were merely stoned and dazed.
However, the person whom I cheered for relentlessly was doing the same for me.
Which really motivated me.
I have always underestimated the power of encouragements, especially when it comes to the field of sports and athletics.
However, when it comes down to a personal level, a small voice or cheer can make a world of difference, when you're in pain, someone is actually there telling you to give one more.
This phrase 'One More' has been stuck with me for a while now.

Feels like in everything we do, be it in physical aspects of even in spiritual aspects, we can always give it a one more shot.
We have prayed relentlessly, nothing has happened, you get discouraged but there's always ONE MORE TIME. Push one more time, pray one more time.
Sometimes, it takes a voice from a friend to just push you on to do one more....
True enough, this is what I need to learn. A simple sentence can make a World of a difference.
A simple pat on the back....
Can make someone a victor in that very instant.
Maybe this is somewhat similar to that of little wonders...
But this is somehow just slightly different.
After the WOD, everyone was all dazed, but there's always something about people whom always encourage.... They themselves get encouraged.
Are you going to be the one who shuts up and gives in to tiredness to care about others?
Or are you be the one whom says "I've got you, now let's go for one more rep".
I would want to be the latter.
Despite how tired I am, I would want to help others give their all.

Giving 100% all the time ain't easy.
Not when there's a thousand and one pressures on you.
However, I'm sure that this is made easy... if there's just a person sharing it with you.
I know I've got one. :)

The one right in the center!!
No, not my coach, the other center one....

Sunday, October 03, 2010

laid it all out

Listening to : Oh My God - Ida Maria

Here I am, penning my thoughts down, in my bid to relax and commit to my sabbath.
Ok, I have been overreacting. Or rather, playing things up big time.
NUS isn't that stressful after all.
While speaking to an O level kid who thinks that his exams are the biggest around.
Telling him "You ain't seen nothing yet" is like telling myself the same thing!
I'm only year one bodoh...
I haven't seen no nothing yet!
So, while I'm at it, why not take it with good stride?
Maybe what we try to understand is really easy and we just need to take it easy.
With a simple mindset?
You just need to be in control of your emotions, your heart.
Then I'm sure the stress won't overwork you!
Yeah Yeah, I'm still aiming for the best there is!
But no longer will I place that unnecessary 'pressure' on myself.
I need to remember, it's always a BELL CURVE!

Well, that translates into slightly more time for myself.
To do better things and use for greater purposes.
No more will i squander them all away.
Time to put all time into good use.
Though slightly less studying (I really mean slightly)
It really means more structure in my day.
Can't afford to mess around too much too.
Even going down to the 15 min details.

Always remember what Pastor said.
"I make schedules on an hourly basis one month in advance, 1 week in advance, it drops to 15 min!"
Well, if that's what it takes to really be efficient.
Then well, I'M UP FOR IT! However....
Just need to ensure that all this channeled hard work, planning is in the right direction.
I'm still in the midst of mid terms guys. But well....
Time to really live life! :)