seems like it's everyday

Listening to : Ordinary People - Asher Brook

After such a long week, it doesn't seem to end.

My rest day, turned out to be a non existent one after all...

Either that or well, I'm starting to run on thin ice.

My mind is constantly pre-occupied with things which shouldn't be there.

Worry, hesitation, sometimes even insecure of whether I'm where I'm supposed to be...

CNS is well, not working too well.

When doing heavy stuff, hesitation is the last thing that you wanna have.

This is kinda happening to me now.

I begin to question, is this the path I'm supposed to walk?

I want to do greater things!

I have that calling, but maybe I'm just not doing it the way I'm supposed to be doing so....

My oh my.... I know I know...

Decisions I have to make need to be based on my vision.

But after a long while, sometimes the path is just too obscure to be true.

It overlaps, loops and comes back to the same location.

Confusing as it sounds, it just seems that way for me.

But it really does seem hard for me to go against what everyone expects of me.

Of a well, supposed 'scholar'....

Little do people know, it's really by God's grace! For me to do anything close to it again is...

Too tough much to ask of me.

Seriously contemplating going back to those days of pure studying is just too detrimental to my soul. Sometimes I do feel in those days, I was somewhat fighting a losing battle.

However, I know that God came through for me, he can do so again.

It is just tough to keep on believing sometimes.

It really does feel that sometimes, I'm on my own.

I know I've got people around me, encouraging me, I really do know....

But how I wish there's really someone willing to slog it out with me.

Nightly, weekly, monthly....

Cause if not, I really don't know how I'm going to survive, needless to say excel...

Sometimes I wish that there was just someone who has a similar vision, goal.

To tell me that they've done it before, that it's doable.

It just seems like it's everyday that I'm running a race which I'm not psyched up for...

I guess I have to live and learn.

I guess I have to grow, I'll never know....

Moving up to the next level is easy to say.... VERY tough to do.

But one thing I do know, I still hold on, very dearly to, the vision that was caught.

Of being the salt and light.

Of doing something greater than myself.

The simple, real vision I have of that in Kuching....