work when it hurts

Listening to : For the first time - The Script

Doing things out of what motive?

What is the driving issue that you have in doing ridiculous things?

I'm going to come across real tonight.

I pace back and forth pondering what this is all about.

Coming back from pretty much the best wedding ever, I am really satisfied!

It's the time of celebrations!

Yesterday was graduation dinner, today was Yvonne's wedding, tomorrow is Shuyun and Ryans' Birthday celebration. I'm looking forward to them both now.

However, my heart is slightly dampened.

What is the point in having so much fun if you aren't happy.

Communication is key to life, I understand that more then ever.

Trust me when I say that I know what communication represents.

Being in the air force and in Usher ministry for so long. Communicating is so very important.

But when it all comes down to it, I am barely struggling to handle things and settle down.

Give me time. PLEASE give me some space to adapt to transiting.

Honestly, I kind of started NUS on a wrong foot.

Starting something like that would mean that I need to be consecrated, get a vision for it.

However, I totally haven't had the time to do so.

It's been so crazy rushing from SOT and NUS, finishing assignments.

Going for crossfit / therapy for my back.

I haven't got the space and time to get that going, which is really aggravating.

Doing so is really important to me. Yet, I have failed to do so.

I know what 'I' have to do, what 'I' should be doing in NUS as well.

But I wanna know what GOD wants me to do, what I will do for him in this new environment.

My heart is not focused at this moment.

I need time to adapt and get over SOT after this last week.

I know it's painful, I know how it feels.

But I will return to overtime talks.

However, right now, I haven't had the capacity to even think through life just yet.

I feel that I have to take time this week to really reflect.

How SOT has been, how the past 9 months have been.

How my 21 years of life has brought me to where I am today.

I wish everyone understands!

It's a first time for me to expound it publicly.

I need a moment to adjust to my environment, lest I fall just like before.

Lest I take the wrong footing and stumble everytime I transit.

I haven't had a great 'transition' record.

I just hope things will change this time round!

PS. I know it's tough to juggle, but I will really really MISS SOT!

Tui Na

Listening to : Promise - Chris Cornell

This is it? This is the new phase of life?

Hmmm, I honestly can't say that I'm tremendously shocked (In terms of the culture)

Guess cause I've been infused to an environment whereby most of my peers are in university.

However, is this really it? Getting my modules and tutorials and fighting the rat race.

I wonder, is there really something more?

Yeah, I know, revival is going to come! That the grades will soon flock!!

But really, other than simply mugging my buttocks off (Which I can really feel coming),

Spending days after days in the library just as I did in A levels studying and revising.

The only difference is maybe being much more independent and having the Lappie in front.

Apart from that, where is the culture?

Where is the 'spirit' of the school??

Maybe I was expecting too much from it (Since my bro keeps saying it's the best)

I'm really thankful and glad that there are people I know around.

Ie. Yiling, YX, Calvin, Brenda, PX, Matt, Chuck and not forgetting Shiming.

All of them have made my stay rather enjoyable. But trying to step out of my comfort zone is rather tough...

I know that I should be stepping out, making new friends.

I try my best to do so, but really the culture isn't there.

I know I'm not supposed to reminiscent, but I do miss the culture of CJC.

It's somewhat present here but really cause of the friends and that's all.

What I do hope is that the heart of the matter isn't something deeper.

I know I'm not alone, I enjoy it at times, walking and looking into the sky.

Doing so reminds me to appreciate what I've got, to thank God for it.

Studying the science and maths as well as a new feel of engineering has made me realize something.

God is truly amazing.

The way buildings are placed and shaped, the magic of how certain laws of nature can never be broken.

How these laws really govern our lives which seem so real to us all but taken for granted way too easily.

I do enjoy what I study, I just want more people to know what I am thinking of.

To spread that joy to the people around.

But don't get me wrong, I do enjoy NUS, it's been awesome.

Just maybe slightly more 'family' would be great. (Maybe I'm too used to SOT)

Either way, that isn't what I've truly been bothered about.

What's been troubling me is really my back, yes my back.

Recently I've sustained a slip disk. (DON'T WORRY!)

It isn't as serious as it sounds, I hope.

But what really affects me about all this is how I'm hit down again.

Everytime I really wanna do something big or great in this area, I'm always hit down.

Trying to stay positive is really tough.

Having a really supportive coach, girlfriend and friends help a great deal, really.

Having a healing God on our side helps the most!

I just wish to be healed real soon, I want to get back to my passion.

Call me addicted to it? Maybe I am, but it isn't just about passion.

It's about vision as well, I want to be somewhere in this, to help others as well.

Maybe this was all for a reason? I've read recently that the problem is hardly ever the situation, it's your attitude towards that situation.

So yes, today when I was experiencing tremendous pain and on the way back.

I've learnt that this is really helpful to me. Why?

It helps me to identify what's wrong with my form.

I now know that the way I do the whole crossfit idea is wrong to begin with.

The fundamentals that I've had were somewhat right but definitely flawed in some areas.

And this applies to every area in your life, that no matter how tired you are, you must always have a strong core.

To help facilitate better movement, help as a brace for your whole body and protection for it.

When you get run down, tired in life, hitting walls in life, always remember the core basics, that it is those things which will make sure that you stay standing after the 'workout'

It allows me to take a step back to reflect on my position and vision.

Having this injury is good in a way? It allows me to identify what muscle group is weaker.

Also, it allows me to evaluate how I've progressed since I've joined.

In terms of physical strength and mental development.

It serves as a basis for me to help others.

When you've got a slip disk or something of that sort, you know who to call.

So in that intense pain today, this Chinese physician actually had the cool to say some things to me.

He told me very frankly, that I had to take a long break for better recovery, that if I don't do so, I'm not able to perform up to spec. Then it hit me.

Isn't this like our lives? Sometimes when we're hit down hard, too hard.

We need to take a small step back and just take a BREAK! It isn't like backsliding, no!

Just take a break! It'll help you recover faster so you can come back STRONGER!

It's better than fighting on despite that 'injury' which you have which might just cripple you big time, in future and the rest of your lives.

Also, something really true was said, 'don't compare with other 'athletes', they may be training hard, lifting much heavier weights, but you may never know, they may be just hiding some injury themselves, they may be damaging themselves even more as well.'

Don't look at others to see how far they've gone, don't compare, really.

It's your life, it's your physical, emotional, spiritual development, live it out yourself!

Be happy with what YOU HAVE! Be happy with how far YOU have come! Not others...

Lastly, he said something which really hurts, literally.

'DON'T FORCE AWAY MY STRENGTH! It may hurt when I apply force in that area, but it's for your own good. If not, you'll leave with more problems then before. relax and let me pierce into the muscle area.'

When I did so, it hurt even more! Yes it did! But the relief soon after was much better than before.

Doesn't it seem so much like God? When we are in pain, we shout out!!!

Sometimes he may just give more heat!! But no worries, he's got this.

Cause the after effects would be a much bigger relief than if we resist his hand.

So much for a boring Tui Na session and injury time yeah?

But either way, I'm taking this time to really rest and recover, adapt to Uni life.

Will be taking a 3 weeks crossfit break? Yeah, it hurts me.

But It's for my own good, I know it and I'm sure it'll benefit me. So rest up!!!

Catalyst

Listening to : Catalyst - Linkin Park

So here it is, the new phase really starts now.

It's the time when the tide changes, we are really pitted against the best.

Fighting with not just the smartest but also the wittiest and most viscous crowd around town.

I'm excited for it. But before I move on into the new phases.

I haven't really had the time to evaluate or to think back as to how the time spent the past 9 months has been. I wonder, if it was really all worth it?

I begin to think if I have effected enough change in not just myself but the people around me.

Have I come to a place where I have grown.

Or is it all just a facade again? Which will simply dissipate the moment the tides rise sky high.

Note that I'm taking 6 modules. One more than the rest or the norm.

I'll be high on that.

I'm just awaiting the time when the trials will all just come in confrontation with the Faith.

What's the heat for if it's not here to put me to the test?

However, this time round, I know that I'm not alone. Totally not alone.

With the people around me, I care for them. They do for me as well.

I know I'm blessed, I just want to prove to myself a point here.

That greater things are really to come.

Keep the path straight. Run up strong and high.

I need to focus and remember why is this all for. Don't lose the vision.

Don't falter your mind, keep that end in mind.

Be that catalyst for the success of yourself and the people around you.

Drag and pull them up with you.
NUS. Let's create a storm in the place.

Call me arrogant? But I call it confessing out loud. I will get 5!

Why does everyone see it as impossible? Well guess what, it doesn't exist to me.

5. I'm going to make it happen!

Right now, I just need to get my whole system in motion.

Just like a body working together in crossfit to overcome something.

I've gotta work it all out first. My mind, spirit and soul.

Living the Dream

Listening to : Teenage Dream - Katy Perry

So the day arrives where one gets crown pseudo king for the day.

Oh gosh, I honestly feel a little scared of all the events which may unfold the next few hours.

The past celebrations were nothing short of amazing.

However, if I had the choice to, I would just want meals after meals of the best people.

I wouldn't want a single great day. I want many many enjoyable ones.

That's what makes my 21st a real great one.

However, I have a great girlfriend. I know, nobody can deny that.

But what is the meaning of a Birthday? When all attention comes upon the person?

For me, it's really a normal day. But maybe I make it a point to do the things I love the most.

Seeing the people I treasure the most.

That's a good birthday celebration to me, even if it's in macdonalds, I'm all good.

So I'm entering into adulthood. My days of being a ruffian are finally over.

Time to really step up to the call.... NOT!!!

I'll still definitely remain so young at heart. So what's up for the coming year?

1) Entering University! Excelling in it.

2) Doing more for ministry!

3) Loving Shiming a whole lot more as she moves on

4) Hopefully going on another mission trip

5) Having at least one more holiday.

6) Helping to make and create the vision of crossfit. Going beyond boundaries.

7) Having an awesome year with God as the centerpiece.

Seems really typical doesn't it? What should I do to spice it up?

Maybe the thing which is not so common in my years is really crossfit.

But before I get ahead of myself, I've got more than enough time to think of what can happen.

But I would like to take time to look back at what has happened.

Well, the year was great. In fact, I have to admit that this year was one of the best yet.

I've achieved the most, done the best.

Not forgetting messed up the most as well. Turbulent as it seems, life is still great.

So since last year, what has happened? On order of chronological order (I think)

1) 3 years anniversary, WOOHOO!! Not forgetting her 21st!

2) ORD! Finally.

3) Korea study tour. Amazing

4) USA trip. Totally FUN!

5) First real Job : Tuition

6) Entering into School of Theology, most uncertain but best decision made.

7) Asia Conference. Serving in Stage and doing Pageant. Experience of the lifetime.

8) Kuching Mission Trip. Life Changing

9) Encountering God in an awesome way again.

The year was so much more exciting than normal ones. Nothing more can be asked of it.

I'm entering 21 ready I suppose. But more than that, I'm entering it with expectancy.

LETS GOOOOO!!!!

after tonight!

Listening to : Ours - The Bravery

I've come to realize how important little things are to me.

How not even the small but also the tough.

We all keep saying that we are greater than ourselves.

That we are more than conquerors!!

However, Really, what are we conquerors over?

Small easy things? Or real distinct problems in life?

We say such phrases so easily, but where's the heat?

Where's the flame to test it all?

You don't need real Faith to go through the easiest of times.

You don't need hope when things seem pretty and fine.

You need it when you're really down and out.

So bring on the heat. I'm here to take it all.

Stretch me, pull me, move me. I'm ready!

What is it to Love when you go through tough times? I realized, I have never spoke of how life has changed through the years on this blog.

Of how I became who I am today. The changes that has happened.

All I can say is that at the end of the day, I am here now because of the Church, God and friends.

I'll tell the full blown story when I've got more time.

This is finally THE transition week. A new phase of life is here.

University!!!

I'm so thankful for everything up till now. My education route has finally brought me here.

From a little dimwit barely making it in Primary school.

To entering university next coming week.

I'm excited, but at the same time hopeful that eventually I'll be strong.

Let me not fall again like the last time. Or rather, let me rise up in times of transition!