SECRET FRIEND!

Listening to : Angel - Akon

I hate to do it alone. To go through life living all by myself.

I have always thought to myself that I'm ok alone.

Or rather, if I were to be put on an island all alone, I'll probably get by just fine.

Like it totally won't be awkward to eat a meal alone sitting down enjoying great food.

Then I just realized today, I do hate it....

I may have been wrong to think that the extreme scenarios of aloneness are okay.

In fact, they're far from it.

I guess this is what being a companion for 4 years have done.

(No I'm not complaining!!)

But I've just realized this which seems quite strange to me.

Many things which seemed doable alone, doesn't exactly seem the case now.

I have always belittled encouragement especially in the tracks.

I mean, would a small soft voice actually affect the runners mental capability.

I used to always doubt that and never believed in real cheering!

I always did so just to get a small high for myself.

But now I know, encouragement, no matter how small, may mean the World at times.

It really does make sense to me nowadays.

I can never go through a crossfit WOD without someone shouting at me.

I just can't seem to do it. I won't be able to push as hard.

If someone were to say. LETS GO ONE MORE REP!

Then to me, it really does make a big difference!

I used to acknowledge that studying alone through the night is possible and okay.

Now, studying alone for more than 2-3 hours really fries my brain.

Makes me lose all motivation and I just wanna stop.

I won't be able to serve as well, give my all over and over again if it wasn't for people around be telling me that I can do it, encouraging me bit by bit.

My perception has changed big time.

I've become well... people dependent.

I need people around me for me to excel. For me to go beyond what I can.

I need that push, that competition, that encouragement.

Be it small or big.

Sometimes, the strongest motivation can come from the person whom is slogging it out with you!

I will always remember, how people shout and say COME ON!

In a work out when they themselves are struggling to finish it.

It gives me well, HOPE to the end...

Sometimes, even the enthusiasm from another can be a source of mighty strength!

The look of determination and focus and either freak or inspire you to do things greater!

Man oh man, now when I look back, I wonder how on Earth I survived living like that.

Well, I do not doubt that some alone time is very important.

I admit that having some is even vital for progress!

However, I have come to realize, that most of the times, I'm with someone.

Either screaming or shouting alongside for VICTORY!

Man, I need more friends like that. I'm being frank here....

It's my blog, I can say what I want....

YES! I need more encouraging, enthusiastic friends!

Maybe even like this fella here....

MY GYM

Listening to : -

When someone can say such things about not just your gym, but about your family, about your life, about your cellgroup and even your church. Then that's when you know you've pretty much succeeded.

My Gym from Patrick Cummings on Vimeo.

Just try it, change the words to that organization / cell group you go to.

Does it reflect it that way?

It does make me wonder, if I were to have a cell group.

Just if, one day....

I would want to have a culture of not just a cell group.

But that of a Box and CG combined.

You could say, that is what I truly desire...

Weight

Listening to : A time for Yohe - Between The Trees

It's easy to say it's too heavy and push it aside.

It's even easier to off load burdens on another person when it get's too heavy.

But this is the sticking point.

The tipping point....

When all you've done all counts for this specific moment.

Whether you step up? Or you back down?

At times, you feel that you're given the weight of the World.

Like everything you've ever thought off is on your shoulders.

Literally, you're trying to carry not just your own... But others as well.

Perhaps that is the impact and the responsibility that a Leader has.

It's not just his own life at stake.

It's probably him and everyone else under him.

When one leader falls it's even more detrimental than anyone else falling.

Yes, the burden is heavy and it's often tough to bear.

I would love to help some people share their burdens at times.

However, sometimes, there's just a fine line which stops us from asking for help.

Maybe... Just maybe, it's the pride inside of us.

Which really hinders whatever we try to do...

That pride inside of us erases the humility within you...

You've gotta learn when to ask for HELP!

I know, I've done so a few times. I know myself that I'm guilty of it at times, of giving it all to myself, placing every single bit of the blame on myself.

I have to admit, carrying such weight is tough.

You're just one person, really...

We've just so much we can take.

I have to admit, some can take more, some can take less....

I for one, have tried my best to hold up for as long as possible.

At times, it's really to no avail whatsoever....

More often than not, I do fail, but the times when I worked with someone...

I seem to make it better.

Sometimes we just wish someone was in my shoes.

Like someone could just understand what I am going through.

We all wish that way, EVERY single one of us does.

So instead of simply just taking, how about trying to put yourself in their shoes for once.

Don't be the taker, but be the giver.

I know the pain we all go through when we force ourselves to try to understand someone when

we honestly have zip experience at all.

It may sound really cliche, but it's really the thought that counts.

Little do we know, by giving a little to that someone, we give that 'hope', we give that 'smile'.

I know I need to give more, at the same time...

Maybe I just need to let more in to my life.

To take a little off these shoulders of mine.

For some to just come and give me that pat when they're just the few who know what I'm exactly going through, what I'm facing with and the pressures I'm up against.

Not many people can appreciate it, really....

I may seem carefree, but often, I've got much on my backs....

open heart

Listening to : Darlin - Between The Trees

A smile makes a World of a difference.

Happiness is shared.

More than that, hope is given.....

Sometimes, it does get hard to smile.

To find that joy in life at times.

Somehow, one way or another....

We all seem to be like streams connected to that same river.

It doesn't come naturally, but you have to flow to down.

Simplest thing of all...

We all want to be great and do amazing things.

But sometimes, we all just have that small little plug to fill.

In that someones life.

It may be many, it may be just one.

All other prizes, achievements come to nothing when you see that smile on anothers face.

Everytime you sleep, when you wake.

Your eyes may be closed, or may be open.

But one thing I know, my heart is open.

One smile can take away all sorrows, take your breath away.

Give you hope for the next day.

Live life

Listening to : Say - John Mayer

We all chase some dreams at times. We all want to do things which we believe are right.
I just caught the bucket list due to the random dvd on the table.
Caught it and was amazingly moved.
I mean, really moved.

Sometimes maybe that's what you need.
To come to an end of yourself, to really just want to live your life.
To find that joy that we all already have inside of us.
To say what we always wanted to say...
To do what we always wanted to do...
To live out what we are really here for.
To help someone while you still can.

Then I wonder, what is in my bucket list?
I figured I wouldn't need to be THAT old for me to have one.
Let alone live life to the fullest, do things which I have always wanted to do!
Well, don't get me wrong, not the rash things which get us into trouble.
We all need moderations here and there.
But man... Sometimes you just feel all cooked up doing things you know you shouldn't be.

Guess this all comes together through the past few days...
From the things that Jeff said about having the matters of the heart in action.
Till having a simple bucketlist...
Maybe they aren't as superficial as it all seems, maybe they are dreams and all that.
Maybe they're just random ideas which I really want to see come to pass.
Sometimes they're even the amazing things which appear so little.

But this bucket list of mine will really be all that I want...
I'll never know whats going to come out of this.
I can possibly care so much about my grades, my life, my work.
Till I forget the things which I truly enjoy...
I wouldn't want to waste a single hour.
Well, I would really want to help someone find that joy as well.
I want to live LIFE!

seems like it's everyday

Listening to : Ordinary People - Asher Brook

After such a long week, it doesn't seem to end.

My rest day, turned out to be a non existent one after all...

Either that or well, I'm starting to run on thin ice.

My mind is constantly pre-occupied with things which shouldn't be there.

Worry, hesitation, sometimes even insecure of whether I'm where I'm supposed to be...

CNS is well, not working too well.

When doing heavy stuff, hesitation is the last thing that you wanna have.

This is kinda happening to me now.

I begin to question, is this the path I'm supposed to walk?

I want to do greater things!

I have that calling, but maybe I'm just not doing it the way I'm supposed to be doing so....

My oh my.... I know I know...

Decisions I have to make need to be based on my vision.

But after a long while, sometimes the path is just too obscure to be true.

It overlaps, loops and comes back to the same location.

Confusing as it sounds, it just seems that way for me.

But it really does seem hard for me to go against what everyone expects of me.

Of a well, supposed 'scholar'....

Little do people know, it's really by God's grace! For me to do anything close to it again is...

Too tough much to ask of me.

Seriously contemplating going back to those days of pure studying is just too detrimental to my soul. Sometimes I do feel in those days, I was somewhat fighting a losing battle.

However, I know that God came through for me, he can do so again.

It is just tough to keep on believing sometimes.

It really does feel that sometimes, I'm on my own.

I know I've got people around me, encouraging me, I really do know....

But how I wish there's really someone willing to slog it out with me.

Nightly, weekly, monthly....

Cause if not, I really don't know how I'm going to survive, needless to say excel...

Sometimes I wish that there was just someone who has a similar vision, goal.

To tell me that they've done it before, that it's doable.

It just seems like it's everyday that I'm running a race which I'm not psyched up for...

I guess I have to live and learn.

I guess I have to grow, I'll never know....

Moving up to the next level is easy to say.... VERY tough to do.

But one thing I do know, I still hold on, very dearly to, the vision that was caught.

Of being the salt and light.

Of doing something greater than myself.

The simple, real vision I have of that in Kuching....

Speak now

Listening to : Higher - The Saturdays

Love is indeed in the air.

After many celebrations. I really am glad it's all been successful.

Many of these moments are greatly taken for granted.

However, when you really begin to get in the mood, to appreciate it all.

You come to realize how amazing things are and have been.

Me and shiming have been together for 4 years now.

Yes, everyone gasp for air. 4 years!

It's been way long, and I'm really thankful for it.

It's not easy at all, however, if there's one thing I realized about Love.

Is that it truly is a very daring thing to do.

You put yourself in the open to be hurt, taking many risks to place your trust in another.

Not trying to make any statements but...

I genuinely think that to love me, the one whom no one can truly fully devote to, is really admirable. I mean, I haven't met anyone ever so dedicated to me before...

Thank you baby, for everything the past 4 years.

I know, mushy TTM.

But either way, I'm not exactly making a VERY big deal about it...

Come on, we're likely going to go all the way...

Yes, I'm confessing very positively. Which I think is very likely.

Which brings me to another joyous event.

Ern Ern's wedding. It was pleasent yet really classy.

Too much for me to even put into words. Anyhow, it's really sweet.

Well, nothing beats Yvonne's wedding though...

AWWWW, I can really feel the love in the air...

Or is it just me?

I'm really pleased and glad that it's finally over. Mid-terms that is...

After such a long and arduous few weeks, I'm more or less done.
I can only thank God for the results which I have gotten.

If it wasn't for his grace, I wouldn't be able to do it. In fact, I ask for more! The battle ain't over yet.

Well, other than that, I'm happy cause I'm going full crossfit again. Gosh....

I'm rather unfit after 2 weeks of inconsistency.

PHEW....

Getting the drive for things again. For the simplest things, many people will do anything to live a life which is happy, carefree.... Well, I can only say... Just Live. :)

Got you....

Listening to : If I ain't got you - Maroon 5

I will probably say that right now is the time when I'm at my best condition.

Not too stressed, enjoying studying, enjoying the time that I have.

Taking it a step down as well. Guess this is the wonderful equilibrium which I have been looking for.

Despite the constant struggle between my current timetable and that of everything else.

I guess I'm coping well! Slightly more positive! I'm sure things will take for the better from here!

Just some random considerations which have been floating in my mind.

I've been doing crossfit for quite some time now.

When's the next time that I'll really step it up.

Guess now everything is 90% alright with my back. However...

Something just seems to be hindering me, maybe it's just my psychological barrier.

Which then made me realize a very real truth.

Something which I noticed today. Well, it was from the start of the day.

Everyone was fired up and ready to go. Even during the warm up stages.

Everyone was doing great with snatches, and cheering each other on.

Due to the size of the class, we had to split the group into 2 heats for the WOD.

In case you don't exactly know, the people in crossfit are highly motivating.

They'll shout, cheer and push you on to do greater.

Something which I personally like about them. However, it's something I never noticed...

Maybe cause the music blasting was slightly softer today.

I was in the second heat, so I took the time to push others to go faster, to go harder.

True enough, they did tremendously well, some said it was really due to the shouting.

However, when it came to my turn, it wasn't the same scenario.

It was seemingly quiet in terms of the cheering.

Then, in my sub-conscience mind (you can imagine this was really at the back of my head while I'm literally catching every single ounce of breath), I realized that they were all just too tired.

Physical or even mental exhaustion had set in upon them.

They were merely stoned and dazed.

However, the person whom I cheered for relentlessly was doing the same for me.

Which really motivated me.

I have always underestimated the power of encouragements, especially when it comes to the field of sports and athletics.

However, when it comes down to a personal level, a small voice or cheer can make a world of difference, when you're in pain, someone is actually there telling you to give one more.

This phrase 'One More' has been stuck with me for a while now.

Feels like in everything we do, be it in physical aspects of even in spiritual aspects, we can always give it a one more shot.

We have prayed relentlessly, nothing has happened, you get discouraged but there's always ONE MORE TIME. Push one more time, pray one more time.

Sometimes, it takes a voice from a friend to just push you on to do one more....

True enough, this is what I need to learn. A simple sentence can make a World of a difference.

A simple pat on the back....

Can make someone a victor in that very instant.

Maybe this is somewhat similar to that of little wonders...

But this is somehow just slightly different.

After the WOD, everyone was all dazed, but there's always something about people whom always encourage.... They themselves get encouraged.

Are you going to be the one who shuts up and gives in to tiredness to care about others?

Or are you be the one whom says "I've got you, now let's go for one more rep".

I would want to be the latter.

Despite how tired I am, I would want to help others give their all.

Giving 100% all the time ain't easy.

Not when there's a thousand and one pressures on you.

However, I'm sure that this is made easy... if there's just a person sharing it with you.

I know I've got one. :)

The one right in the center!!

No, not my coach, the other center one....

laid it all out

Listening to : Oh My God - Ida Maria

Here I am, penning my thoughts down, in my bid to relax and commit to my sabbath.

Ok, I have been overreacting. Or rather, playing things up big time.

NUS isn't that stressful after all.

While speaking to an O level kid who thinks that his exams are the biggest around.

Telling him "You ain't seen nothing yet" is like telling myself the same thing!

I'm only year one bodoh...

I haven't seen no nothing yet!

So, while I'm at it, why not take it with good stride?

Maybe what we try to understand is really easy and we just need to take it easy.
With a simple mindset?

You just need to be in control of your emotions, your heart.

Then I'm sure the stress won't overwork you!

Yeah Yeah, I'm still aiming for the best there is!

But no longer will I place that unnecessary 'pressure' on myself.

I need to remember, it's always a BELL CURVE!

Well, that translates into slightly more time for myself.

To do better things and use for greater purposes.

No more will i squander them all away.

Time to put all time into good use.

Though slightly less studying (I really mean slightly)

It really means more structure in my day.

Can't afford to mess around too much too.

Even going down to the 15 min details.

Always remember what Pastor said.

"I make schedules on an hourly basis one month in advance, 1 week in advance, it drops to 15 min!"

Well, if that's what it takes to really be efficient.

Then well, I'M UP FOR IT! However....

Just need to ensure that all this channeled hard work, planning is in the right direction.

I'm still in the midst of mid terms guys. But well....

Time to really live life! :)

biting dust and SPITTING IT OUT!

Listening to : TGIF - Katy Perry

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST.

I'm taking it rather better than I expected.

Guess I really have to learn to pick myself up after a defeat.
Especially when it's one straight to the heart.

It does suck in a certain way.

However, I gotta remember a simple fact....

I've been a victor SO MANY TIMES. One hit won't make a difference.

What matters now is that I continue working hard.

Learning from the mistakes......

Most importantly, getting myself back into full steam.

It's like the pump up right before the WOD.

And when it actually starts, you don't feel as 100%.

You don't stop, you plough your way through!!

So....

THIS IS HOW IT'S GOING TO ROLL.

So if this is how things are going to be....

Then I'm so going into overdrive real soon.

Things can be alot easier if I just take a back seat....

BUT MAN I AIN'T BACKING DOWN JUST YET.

It's been so long since I felt this way...

Feels like I'm a small school kid again brooding over the smallest of mistakes.

Oh brings me back to the days.....

Gotta strike a balance. Can't be too bothered if I don't make it.

But at the same time, not the person to give in to mediocrity.

So I'm going to work hard.... and smart.

I just hope I don't burn out.....

Anyway, I like one of the phrases quoted by a friend.....

"I'm just like David and Goliath! The giant is straight ahead and I'm ready to slay him! Just that I don't have stones just yet... just sand. BUT DON'T WORRY! This David is molding it together!! Just you wait!!!"

May appear tired just like this but.........

I'VE GOT MUCH MORE INSIDE!

biggerrrr!

Listening to : Modern Drummer - Ungdomskulen

So I'm beginning to lost it.

I'm pulling my hair, yanking my brain, torching myself, confused as ever!

Ok, I'm stressed. Yes, I'm rather VERY STRESSED!

I'm honest about it, I swear, NUS is taking the life out of me. If I had the option, I'll redo army....

Ok on second thoughts, maybe not.

Well, life hasn't been too kind honestly.

Still have yet to get some clear direction in NUS.

It's becoming more and more of a blur... honestly.

However, certain things are being more and more firm in my life.

Maybe I'm not made to be this stressed out.

I'm probably doing something wrong here. Perhaps even focusing on the wrong things.

Which may seem so prudent and obvious, I may just be looking at a totally wrong direction.

Am I to be an advocate of a workaholic?

I used to be so certain and sure that I am one and my successes have been because of it.

But well, the methods have to change it seems.

Everyone here is giving their 101% and don't seem to get tired.

It's time to play a different ball game.

I initially thought that enforcing a sabbath day for myself was sufficient.

Looks like that ain't enough.

It's easy to fall into a natural pathway, it's easy to give in to stress..

Unless we actually do something about it, I think we are all going to fall into depression....

REALLY!

Anything left by itself without any external forces acting on it will soon erode.

Time to get our mindsets constantly altered....

Which then makes sense....

When we begin to set our mind on what the spirit desires...

Now I know what it means when I received that fateful revelation.

That walking the path, following the perfect will...

Is far from easy.

Is far from an array of distractions which come in really massive ways.

Think it's time to put a VERY BIG signpost in my head.

"DON'T GIVE IN"

From the simplest of simple, to the toughest of tough.

I just need to always wake up, remembering those few words.

Gosh.... I've really forgotten some great habits....

What happened to the "I'm gonna make it!", "I'm so gonna get 5.0!".

Need more of that in my life....

Crossfit, bringing the cross to fitness....

Just something I thought of the past few days....

Hmph, I really have to do something about it.... I want to!

It represents so much more than a gym.

Well, it's about making the lives of others better....

Advocating the cultural mandate...

One day...

New dreams are arising.

"BIG IS NOT STRONG, STRONG IS STRONG!"

Time for CHANGE!

Listening to : If we ever meet again - Timbaland ft Katy Perry

I'm just really relieved that the week of 'break' is here. I'm gonna try to make full use of it!!!

Of which, I don't have much mapped out.

But I really do wanna catch up BIG time on my work and tutorials etc.

Extremely lagging in terms of academic statures.
Well, I don't have much planned out this week. but well, I've only have 2 nights taken away.

Ie. Tuesday and Thursday.

Other than that, I'm totally good to gooo!!!!

Trying my best to keep focused and not be so easily distracted.

But gosh, there're a thousand and one things which I so wanna do this week.

Well, I don't have MUCH choice do I? So I'm just gonna be the plain old man and stick to the program.

Study and more studying.

PS. IT IS TIME FOR CHANGE!!!!

mugger society

Listening to : ACDC Album

Well, it has come to this.

Blogging in the middle of NUS central library. Has this become my home?

I really do hope I begin to actually have a life after this sem.

Well, they all say that the first year and first sem is the toughest.

Hope that it's true. And everything else will just be a breeze....

Ok, fat hope!!!

Either way, I'm really glad that right now, I've got time on my hands.

I'm slightly lagging in terms of work. But it's ok I suppose.

I need some air time to breathe and take a short break.

Cause I'm literally struggling to survive here.

So pace is the most important! Just completed my first mid term test.

Taking a short break. But everyone all around me is mugging.

Alright Lionel, succumb to pear pressure....

TIME TO MUG!!!

REORDER

Listening to : Monster - Professor Green

Well, I can't begin to explain how things have been going. Gosh....

When I think about what I can blog or rather the various thoughts that I usually have.

Sadly, I realized I don't have much. Hmmm, guess you can say that things have been under control?

Things have been really going the way they should be.

Or rather, maybe things are just getting really really boring.

I wish I had a thousand and one things to say and thoughts to go through.

Yes I do, But guess it'll be too boring for a blog like this.

Man... Has life really reduced to such a state after coming to NUS?

There HAS to be a whole lot more than this. I hate it when I'm put under strict scrutinized observation.

It's like I have no choice to begin with. Or rather, I have no way out at all.

This wasn't the way things should be even after SOT.

I should be living with so much more purpose and vision.

Basically, something is VASTLY WRONG! Maybe it's my priorities.

Maybe it's really something else. Maybe it's like i'm supposed to do so much more...

So what is it??

Someone hit me with a brick, smack me in the head, SHOW IT TO ME!!

I know, I'm supposed to sit down and pray.

Yes, it's as easy as it sounds honestly.

But doing so isn't enough. It takes real steps which I need to take.

Balance is key.

Maybe this GEP thing isn't the best for me.

Maybe I'm supposed to just drop it all and do what I really love.

Do what I really believe in.

I look around and see so many photos in my room.

I'm always comforted by them.

Cause honestly, I know that when I don't know what to do, don't know where I'm headed to.

When I'm even headed in the wrong direction.

They're probably always there beside me.

Almost every single one of them have been by my side every step of the way.

Some have been lost, some have been close to my heart ever since.

But guess that's what makes it all worth while.

When I know that I can't take it anymore, they're right there.

So if I haven't said so yet.

THANK YOU!!!!

Cause Lionel wouldn't have made it this far if it wasn't for you and your magic in my life.

Yeah, so even though I really feel that I'm not living up to my expected capacity in NUS.

Though I'm not living out all the best of my visions.

I'm glad still, cause I'm surrounded by people whom will either remind me of it or bring me to it.

I worked so hard in JC, I almost lost all.

So this time NUS will be different. I'm going to work hard.

But remember where I've been.

Cause I'm looking to the future and not through the small rear mirror.

Pace and balance is the most important.

So in the coming months, it's going to be a few priority shifts in my life.

To have Rest days, to have date nights, to have supper opportunities and of course, crossfit and mugging. I'm going to try to make time for all these.

Still.. SLEEP IS SECONDARY TO ALL.

Help me change.....PLEASE CORRECT ME!

I need to reorder much of my plans and time.

long long way from here.

Listening to : Beautiful Exchange - Hillsong

I deem myself a break, after working real hard the whole day.

I need a breather. Guess that's what the night is for.

Not going to push myself beyond a certain limit, not just yet.

However, I do want to continue the topic which I so abruptly ended.

Perhaps, now that SOT has ended, what is left in my heart? What is left in my soul?

I know that my spirit has been tremendously blessed. but in terms of my head knowledge, my heart sensations, I really wish to know where I stand right now.

Sadly, immediately after SOT, I had no time to do this reflection in a proper manner.

It's all about the mad rush in NUS now. It's all about the paper chase once again.

However, is this it? Is it all over? And that SOT is over and done with?

The amazing things and breakthroughs which we all witnessed and achieved all take a back seat?

I do hope that it isn't the case, I just wish that I could take a week or so to really reflect.

However, certain things I know are certain about. The few moments which will never depart from my heart or my spirit. The moments of victory, the moments of toil and eventual triumph.

I admit, there have been real times in SOT whereby I really wanted to give up.

However, call it the pressure of the title? Or perhaps the need to pull everyone up.

I just couldn't bring myself to break. I just couldn't.

We have all come a long long way. I have made it thus far.

Not by my strength but by the strength of GOD.

I can only give thanks for the past 6 months.

It has been a real big roller coaster ride. But the memories will never fade.

The friendships will not be broken, not if I can help it.

Perhaps one of the few things which I can really testify, is what a few people can do.

What amazing things can be done if they just set their mind to it.

If they just dedicate their lives to a cause or a purpose. They can achieve great and mighty things!

Well, heading back to this race isn't easy.

Though I may not have had time to reflect how SOT has changed my life.

I'm going to start this next phase right, being the salt and light.

but most importantly, knowing what this is all about.

Why this is all for. For whom am I doing it for.

The people whom I have around me to push me on.

The victories I know that I have which can always give me courage.

If you ask me, what is going to be different.

It's all of these. It's about being in a new dimension altogether.

Everything that comes through that thick skull just can't seem to be seperated from God.

How all of these make all one big sense.

Thank you for SOT.

Thank you for everything that has happened this past year.

For now, thank you for the upcoming battles to be waged, the victories to be stood upon.

Cause whatever happens, I am more than a conqueror.

come on take the rest of me

Listening to : Little Wonders - Rob Thomas

So it has ended, the wonderful exciting journey has finally ended.

I know, life goes on, we should get back to excelling and doing our best.

In fact, I really should be studying right about now.

However, I feel that I should just spend a couple of moments reflecting.

SOT has been great, has been life changing for that matter.

I have been given many opportunities to do many different things.

Many were new experiences altogether, some are similar experiences but at an even higher level.

I am quite sure that SOT has allowed me to do much more than I imagined.

After these 6 months, what can I say? In a few lines, what and how has SOT changed me?

Simply put it, my heart has found it's direction, I have known the dripping oil again.

I have enjoyed the pleasure of fellowship, the meaning of family.

I have seen the pains of the World which cries out for help.

I have experienced and served in ways which supersede my own imagination.

I have most of all, come to know God again.

I would definitely miss SOT.

I would want to speak more about it, and I will.

Now is just the period of catching up. Please keep me in prayer k?

Love you deep deep!

work when it hurts

Listening to : For the first time - The Script

Doing things out of what motive?

What is the driving issue that you have in doing ridiculous things?

I'm going to come across real tonight.

I pace back and forth pondering what this is all about.

Coming back from pretty much the best wedding ever, I am really satisfied!

It's the time of celebrations!

Yesterday was graduation dinner, today was Yvonne's wedding, tomorrow is Shuyun and Ryans' Birthday celebration. I'm looking forward to them both now.

However, my heart is slightly dampened.

What is the point in having so much fun if you aren't happy.

Communication is key to life, I understand that more then ever.

Trust me when I say that I know what communication represents.

Being in the air force and in Usher ministry for so long. Communicating is so very important.

But when it all comes down to it, I am barely struggling to handle things and settle down.

Give me time. PLEASE give me some space to adapt to transiting.

Honestly, I kind of started NUS on a wrong foot.

Starting something like that would mean that I need to be consecrated, get a vision for it.

However, I totally haven't had the time to do so.

It's been so crazy rushing from SOT and NUS, finishing assignments.

Going for crossfit / therapy for my back.

I haven't got the space and time to get that going, which is really aggravating.

Doing so is really important to me. Yet, I have failed to do so.

I know what 'I' have to do, what 'I' should be doing in NUS as well.

But I wanna know what GOD wants me to do, what I will do for him in this new environment.

My heart is not focused at this moment.

I need time to adapt and get over SOT after this last week.

I know it's painful, I know how it feels.

But I will return to overtime talks.

However, right now, I haven't had the capacity to even think through life just yet.

I feel that I have to take time this week to really reflect.

How SOT has been, how the past 9 months have been.

How my 21 years of life has brought me to where I am today.

I wish everyone understands!

It's a first time for me to expound it publicly.

I need a moment to adjust to my environment, lest I fall just like before.

Lest I take the wrong footing and stumble everytime I transit.

I haven't had a great 'transition' record.

I just hope things will change this time round!

PS. I know it's tough to juggle, but I will really really MISS SOT!

Tui Na

Listening to : Promise - Chris Cornell

This is it? This is the new phase of life?

Hmmm, I honestly can't say that I'm tremendously shocked (In terms of the culture)

Guess cause I've been infused to an environment whereby most of my peers are in university.

However, is this really it? Getting my modules and tutorials and fighting the rat race.

I wonder, is there really something more?

Yeah, I know, revival is going to come! That the grades will soon flock!!

But really, other than simply mugging my buttocks off (Which I can really feel coming),

Spending days after days in the library just as I did in A levels studying and revising.

The only difference is maybe being much more independent and having the Lappie in front.

Apart from that, where is the culture?

Where is the 'spirit' of the school??

Maybe I was expecting too much from it (Since my bro keeps saying it's the best)

I'm really thankful and glad that there are people I know around.

Ie. Yiling, YX, Calvin, Brenda, PX, Matt, Chuck and not forgetting Shiming.

All of them have made my stay rather enjoyable. But trying to step out of my comfort zone is rather tough...

I know that I should be stepping out, making new friends.

I try my best to do so, but really the culture isn't there.

I know I'm not supposed to reminiscent, but I do miss the culture of CJC.

It's somewhat present here but really cause of the friends and that's all.

What I do hope is that the heart of the matter isn't something deeper.

I know I'm not alone, I enjoy it at times, walking and looking into the sky.

Doing so reminds me to appreciate what I've got, to thank God for it.

Studying the science and maths as well as a new feel of engineering has made me realize something.

God is truly amazing.

The way buildings are placed and shaped, the magic of how certain laws of nature can never be broken.

How these laws really govern our lives which seem so real to us all but taken for granted way too easily.

I do enjoy what I study, I just want more people to know what I am thinking of.

To spread that joy to the people around.

But don't get me wrong, I do enjoy NUS, it's been awesome.

Just maybe slightly more 'family' would be great. (Maybe I'm too used to SOT)

Either way, that isn't what I've truly been bothered about.

What's been troubling me is really my back, yes my back.

Recently I've sustained a slip disk. (DON'T WORRY!)

It isn't as serious as it sounds, I hope.

But what really affects me about all this is how I'm hit down again.

Everytime I really wanna do something big or great in this area, I'm always hit down.

Trying to stay positive is really tough.

Having a really supportive coach, girlfriend and friends help a great deal, really.

Having a healing God on our side helps the most!

I just wish to be healed real soon, I want to get back to my passion.

Call me addicted to it? Maybe I am, but it isn't just about passion.

It's about vision as well, I want to be somewhere in this, to help others as well.

Maybe this was all for a reason? I've read recently that the problem is hardly ever the situation, it's your attitude towards that situation.

So yes, today when I was experiencing tremendous pain and on the way back.

I've learnt that this is really helpful to me. Why?

It helps me to identify what's wrong with my form.

I now know that the way I do the whole crossfit idea is wrong to begin with.

The fundamentals that I've had were somewhat right but definitely flawed in some areas.

And this applies to every area in your life, that no matter how tired you are, you must always have a strong core.

To help facilitate better movement, help as a brace for your whole body and protection for it.

When you get run down, tired in life, hitting walls in life, always remember the core basics, that it is those things which will make sure that you stay standing after the 'workout'

It allows me to take a step back to reflect on my position and vision.

Having this injury is good in a way? It allows me to identify what muscle group is weaker.

Also, it allows me to evaluate how I've progressed since I've joined.

In terms of physical strength and mental development.

It serves as a basis for me to help others.

When you've got a slip disk or something of that sort, you know who to call.

So in that intense pain today, this Chinese physician actually had the cool to say some things to me.

He told me very frankly, that I had to take a long break for better recovery, that if I don't do so, I'm not able to perform up to spec. Then it hit me.

Isn't this like our lives? Sometimes when we're hit down hard, too hard.

We need to take a small step back and just take a BREAK! It isn't like backsliding, no!

Just take a break! It'll help you recover faster so you can come back STRONGER!

It's better than fighting on despite that 'injury' which you have which might just cripple you big time, in future and the rest of your lives.

Also, something really true was said, 'don't compare with other 'athletes', they may be training hard, lifting much heavier weights, but you may never know, they may be just hiding some injury themselves, they may be damaging themselves even more as well.'

Don't look at others to see how far they've gone, don't compare, really.

It's your life, it's your physical, emotional, spiritual development, live it out yourself!

Be happy with what YOU HAVE! Be happy with how far YOU have come! Not others...

Lastly, he said something which really hurts, literally.

'DON'T FORCE AWAY MY STRENGTH! It may hurt when I apply force in that area, but it's for your own good. If not, you'll leave with more problems then before. relax and let me pierce into the muscle area.'

When I did so, it hurt even more! Yes it did! But the relief soon after was much better than before.

Doesn't it seem so much like God? When we are in pain, we shout out!!!

Sometimes he may just give more heat!! But no worries, he's got this.

Cause the after effects would be a much bigger relief than if we resist his hand.

So much for a boring Tui Na session and injury time yeah?

But either way, I'm taking this time to really rest and recover, adapt to Uni life.

Will be taking a 3 weeks crossfit break? Yeah, it hurts me.

But It's for my own good, I know it and I'm sure it'll benefit me. So rest up!!!