Catalyst

Listening to : Catalyst - Linkin Park

So here it is, the new phase really starts now.

It's the time when the tide changes, we are really pitted against the best.

Fighting with not just the smartest but also the wittiest and most viscous crowd around town.

I'm excited for it. But before I move on into the new phases.

I haven't really had the time to evaluate or to think back as to how the time spent the past 9 months has been. I wonder, if it was really all worth it?

I begin to think if I have effected enough change in not just myself but the people around me.

Have I come to a place where I have grown.

Or is it all just a facade again? Which will simply dissipate the moment the tides rise sky high.

Note that I'm taking 6 modules. One more than the rest or the norm.

I'll be high on that.

I'm just awaiting the time when the trials will all just come in confrontation with the Faith.

What's the heat for if it's not here to put me to the test?

However, this time round, I know that I'm not alone. Totally not alone.

With the people around me, I care for them. They do for me as well.

I know I'm blessed, I just want to prove to myself a point here.

That greater things are really to come.

Keep the path straight. Run up strong and high.

I need to focus and remember why is this all for. Don't lose the vision.

Don't falter your mind, keep that end in mind.

Be that catalyst for the success of yourself and the people around you.

Drag and pull them up with you.
NUS. Let's create a storm in the place.

Call me arrogant? But I call it confessing out loud. I will get 5!

Why does everyone see it as impossible? Well guess what, it doesn't exist to me.

5. I'm going to make it happen!

Right now, I just need to get my whole system in motion.

Just like a body working together in crossfit to overcome something.

I've gotta work it all out first. My mind, spirit and soul.

Living the Dream

Listening to : Teenage Dream - Katy Perry

So the day arrives where one gets crown pseudo king for the day.

Oh gosh, I honestly feel a little scared of all the events which may unfold the next few hours.

The past celebrations were nothing short of amazing.

However, if I had the choice to, I would just want meals after meals of the best people.

I wouldn't want a single great day. I want many many enjoyable ones.

That's what makes my 21st a real great one.

However, I have a great girlfriend. I know, nobody can deny that.

But what is the meaning of a Birthday? When all attention comes upon the person?

For me, it's really a normal day. But maybe I make it a point to do the things I love the most.

Seeing the people I treasure the most.

That's a good birthday celebration to me, even if it's in macdonalds, I'm all good.

So I'm entering into adulthood. My days of being a ruffian are finally over.

Time to really step up to the call.... NOT!!!

I'll still definitely remain so young at heart. So what's up for the coming year?

1) Entering University! Excelling in it.

2) Doing more for ministry!

3) Loving Shiming a whole lot more as she moves on

4) Hopefully going on another mission trip

5) Having at least one more holiday.

6) Helping to make and create the vision of crossfit. Going beyond boundaries.

7) Having an awesome year with God as the centerpiece.

Seems really typical doesn't it? What should I do to spice it up?

Maybe the thing which is not so common in my years is really crossfit.

But before I get ahead of myself, I've got more than enough time to think of what can happen.

But I would like to take time to look back at what has happened.

Well, the year was great. In fact, I have to admit that this year was one of the best yet.

I've achieved the most, done the best.

Not forgetting messed up the most as well. Turbulent as it seems, life is still great.

So since last year, what has happened? On order of chronological order (I think)

1) 3 years anniversary, WOOHOO!! Not forgetting her 21st!

2) ORD! Finally.

3) Korea study tour. Amazing

4) USA trip. Totally FUN!

5) First real Job : Tuition

6) Entering into School of Theology, most uncertain but best decision made.

7) Asia Conference. Serving in Stage and doing Pageant. Experience of the lifetime.

8) Kuching Mission Trip. Life Changing

9) Encountering God in an awesome way again.

The year was so much more exciting than normal ones. Nothing more can be asked of it.

I'm entering 21 ready I suppose. But more than that, I'm entering it with expectancy.

LETS GOOOOO!!!!

after tonight!

Listening to : Ours - The Bravery

I've come to realize how important little things are to me.

How not even the small but also the tough.

We all keep saying that we are greater than ourselves.

That we are more than conquerors!!

However, Really, what are we conquerors over?

Small easy things? Or real distinct problems in life?

We say such phrases so easily, but where's the heat?

Where's the flame to test it all?

You don't need real Faith to go through the easiest of times.

You don't need hope when things seem pretty and fine.

You need it when you're really down and out.

So bring on the heat. I'm here to take it all.

Stretch me, pull me, move me. I'm ready!

What is it to Love when you go through tough times? I realized, I have never spoke of how life has changed through the years on this blog.

Of how I became who I am today. The changes that has happened.

All I can say is that at the end of the day, I am here now because of the Church, God and friends.

I'll tell the full blown story when I've got more time.

This is finally THE transition week. A new phase of life is here.

University!!!

I'm so thankful for everything up till now. My education route has finally brought me here.

From a little dimwit barely making it in Primary school.

To entering university next coming week.

I'm excited, but at the same time hopeful that eventually I'll be strong.

Let me not fall again like the last time. Or rather, let me rise up in times of transition!

Vision extended

Listening to : The Only Exception - Paramore

It seems to really fall into place.

I know how I am called at certain times. I know that when doors open I go.

When people call in need, I go. When He calls me to somewhere I undoubtedly go.

Most of the things which I am called to do may seem strangely similar to the things I want.

My talents and abilities also definitely play a very big role.

I've come to a very crucial decision just a few months ago.

Of which, I was very hesitant and unsure of my commitments, however, I chose nonetheless.

I knew there was a need to get focused and I did.

However, this new idea which comes bugging me religiously seems relentless.

I can't seem to ignore it because it all falls into place.

From the time I have stepped into SOT, the callings he have given to me.

To the mission trips and the times which cultural mandate was advocated.

I've been deeply moved by all of these. To realize that this fact cannot be ignored.

That what I am doing right now in my life, that crossfit is no longer what it seems.

That This seems like my marketplace to prosper in, to help groom and grow.

I would love to be like a typical person grooming my ministry and teams.

But I just feel that it isn't me. This is something which I feel, is beyond even myself.

Crossfit is no longer just about gaining strength, being able to supersede yourself.

It's not just about that anymore. It's about helping those people who are in lack.

Those people who are unsure of their next meal on the table. I want to help them.

I've been having this burden since the days in Kuching.

I have wanted to do so much for that family which has literally no vision whatsoever.

I felt so hopeless, How can I help these people?

Then I realized, it's more than just a sport, crossfit is here for this purpose, for them.

If what Coach said is really true, then I am for the box. I am here to stay.

I want to live for something more than myself. I want to live for others.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not in it to just try to get people to believe.

I really want to help those people in need. I will stay in crossfit, to train hard.

Thereafter, to help those who need help in, to teach those youngsters what it means to live.

To tell them that "You can do something you never imagined you can do."

Maybe nobody has told you that before?

But that's how I feel everytime I step into the box. That it's time for me to do something I once though was impossible. To reckon to myself that I am able to do amazing things!

Ultimately, I know that it's gonna be worth it. That because of the impact and the heart, people will come to know the Lord.

However, that really isn't the point anymore. I will do all it takes for this to happen.

To help those people without any vision to give them a vision.

To be able to show them what they've been looking for, for what I have found.

It's not just about fitness for them, it's about their lifestyle, their self-esteem.

To help them build a good core, figuratively and literally.

Because I believe that they're all angels, and with some help, they can fly again.

I just hope crossfit is something which they can come to do.

However, for now, i'll keep training hard, to better myself at this sport.

To be the light of the World so that one day, I'll be able to teach those kids too.

So one day, I can see their smile, which makes it all worth it.

God moves in very mysterious ways. This is by far the strangest I've seen.

To think that it is happening in my life right now.

It seems very far fetched, but this has been my dream. And I know I can do it.

I choose to want to do more now. Everyone says that they excel in various areas.

I want to do something here, I want to start something big.

So are you with me?

Clarity of Spirit

Listening to : Littlee Wonders - Rob Thomas

The smallest things in life should never be overlooked.

The simple joys and blessings, even the big ones as well should be properly addressed.

As I've finally returned from my Mission trip to Kuching.

We have all moved up one level in serving for sure. More importantly...

I can proudly say that We have all planted a seed which will flourish over there.

However, it's really more amazing that they've planted a seed in my heart as well.

Walking down the streets with the members of CHC Kuching made me realize how blessed I am, how I am in perfect position to help someone in need.

It's undeniably selfish to not extend that helping hand to someone in need.

We can all boast about the fact that we are in CHC, the church without walls.

However, have we actually went that extra mile giving that helping hand?

For the first time, we did. I did at least. Going into what they call houses...

I really call just metal sheets and a floor.

It really ached my heart. It irks me to think that I've been living such a lavish life and not exactly helped someone who has nothing at all.

I've got a vision, I've got a dream. They don't even have a meal in front of them.

All they have, is a smile, a joy which cannot be explained.

They are contented in their hearts, because of who they have, not What they have.

They are glad because they know that they've got people to care for them, that Jesus cares.

It's cliche, I know, but this is how the world is changed.

This is what I should be doing and focusing on as well.

I totally understand if someone has no vision or dream for their lives.

I can now understand why they wouldn't even consider having one.

If they have no place to live in, no real food to eat. Who would care.

I could say so much. I can tell so many stories.

But you have to be there to experience it yourself.

Leaving those houses, I though to myself.

Why are they in such conditions, why why why???

Then I realized something so simple, so that we can be there for them.

Seeing a little kid smile when we arrive, to see her take the chocolate from my arms smiling.

Never belittle the need to love. Never belittle your simple basic act of loving others.

It can change the World for them, beyond any sermon, beyond any fanciful drama.

This really changes their lives. A simple chocolate ball...

I have been moved to initially think that making something work is really out of effort.

However, I've come to realize to understand that it is not always the case.

With only effort, we can do so much.

But I've seen the heart of prayer in this church. They know what it means to give their youth.

It reminds me of not even myself but the pioneers of City Harvest.

They don't just give their money, their sweat but they really give their youths.

They devote it to a simple act of prayer and serving.

It's not about stature for them. But they really want it, they really want the Kingdom.

They really want their friends to be saved, they want their family to be saved.

They want the miracles of God to happen in their lives.

They want their church to always be in Revival.

It has been a spiritual experience for us. Joining them in prayer, joining them in worship.

With no instruments whatsoever, it is really a renewal of ourselves.

However, no one can dispute the fact that their pastor, Pastor Kelvin has an amazing heart.

Working day after day tirelessly but still keeping a smile on his face.

It's a rare sight. A smile which is really genuine which is not out of accomplishment.

It's a smile that brings across hope.

I really want that as well. The people in CHC Kuching have been beyond encouraging to me.

Though youths, they have already made miracles happen.

I wouldn't want to be boastful to say that we did all the work.

However, it was a real tough job in everyone's part. It really wasn't easy.

I see the immense hardwork, sweat and tears.

It really can hear the anger, sadness and even disappointment when something didn't go as expected. It hasn't exactly been the easiest of events I've come across.

From the first day till the last, everyone has been giving their 100%. Being very adaptable to change. Being totally understanding when I tell them that we've got to practice.

I really am grateful for everyone's sacrifices.

If it wasn't for you all. If it wasn't for the effort that you all have placed. None of this would have happened. As the mission closed, tears welled up for the first time ever.

I was really overwhelmed, that if it wasn't for you guys, Kuching wouldn't have been changed one bit. Revival was brought to that town, I believe that.

It's because of your willingness, your attitude to serve, your attitude to sacrifice which moved me most, Team 1 and 2. You have made this mission meaningful to me.

A seed has been planted, the most important seed is one which is from you guys.

The little acts that everyone has placed effort in are really wonders in it's own.

You all are little wonders. I thank you all for that. The time, the sleep, all the sacrifices.

Thank you, For the commitment to the music, the excellence of it, Ryan, Yu Kun and Yee Hao

Thank you, For always assuring me that things will work out, Josh and Sha Sha and Rih Yang

Thank you, For taking that bold step to do what you never thought you would, Justine, Sean, Mel Chen and Xiao Zhuang

Thank you, For the relentless effort in making the kids happy, Ariel, Joanna and Mel Tay

Thank you, For the heart to always keep on serving despite all the sickness, Roy, Miko and Anda and Edu

Thank you, For the stepping up and daring to speak in front of a camera for the first time, Shijie and Phoebe.

Thank You, For the effort placed in making sure that your offering was the best it could be, Allen, Yi Fei and Hong Ming

Thank you, for being the support which I really needed when things were being run, Jian Hao, Kim,

Thank you, For that undying spirit and creativity in the drama, Derick, Prija and Jun.

Thank you, For the hype you brought in the youth meeting, Ben.

Thank you, For being there when things really went rough but you were there to smile and push me on with that dot, Hua Hui.

Thank you E406 for your prayers.

Thank you God, for the presence which you sent down that day. Thank you Father for the love which you poured out. Thank you Jesus for your grace that was upon us that whole trip. You are the motive of it all. Your gave us love to love. Thank you God. Really. Thank you.

Now that Kuching is over, it won't stop here for sure. I'm gonna make it continue. The spirit of BREAKTHROUGH!!!

Never been

Listening to : What are you waiting for - Colby O Donis

I have to admit, this year has to be the fastest year ever.
i was just sitting down with one of the security guys and I realized....

It's 2 more months of SOT! Then it's the start of school.

I'm actually going to start NUS really soon. I can't believe it.

This year is passing by too fast.

It's mid point of the year. I have to admit, it's really been a great half.

Really. As for my goals, visions, dreams. I'm quite sure I'm one step closer to it.

I'm trying my best to improve myself everyday. I sound like a machine but it really seems that way. The time expanded will not come back.

But the fruits of it will remain. Forever, I hope.

The year of change. I hope that it'll really change for the better.

As for now, I just hope my motivations and intentions are of use and of benefit to the rest.

BACK TO REALITY LIONEL!

I'm not in a dance in the middle of a laser field.

I'm in reality. Where things don't exactly go the way they're supposed to be.

Where mistakes and disappointments happen.

I guess living in such a World is this way.

But then again, it's living in denial as well.

What are we? What are we to ourselves? To our spirits?

Are we to hide them all? Are we to conform to the standards of ourselves?

Just deep in thought.

Listening to : King of anything - Sara Bareiles

The worst pressure that can come from anyone is the one which comes from within.

The feeling whereby you know that you've got too much to do.

However, I've come to realize that instead of being busy about the things around.

I find myself making way and time for the things which matters.

I know and I'm sorry if I haven't been the best around town.

I may have just stepped on wrong toes and even placed wrong priorities at times.

However, I'm gonna try to focus from tomorrow onwards.

I know that it's going to be a better day!

The need for the people around me is a priority.

However, I've come to realize that even that needs to be properly prioritized.

Everyone needs something. It's whether you see him as important or not.

Everyone can argue and debate about this whole issue over and over again.

But it's true. Why don't you bother to meet this person and bother caring for him?

It's simple, save the excuses, you just don't place him in priority.

So what is a priority in your life? One of significance?

Or one which is after the same old dumb rat race.

Or worst still, in this caught up idea of reaching out.

Don't get me wrong (I better clarify lest I die tomorrow)

Reaching out to the lost is all good and wholesome. Totally for it.

However, we may come to a point of really running this rat race of reaching out.

So substantiated and into the motion till we forget to do the one thing which matters.

Love.

We talk about love and love and love. We may say it out, preach it out.

Till we really may get numb to it.

We may be with that person we have to work on and really not do so out of love but compulsion.

Don't ever be a professional "lover".

Be genuine, be real, that's the facts which keep you going.

Someone told me recently and answered a burning question of mine.

"When it's so hard to love. What can we do?"

It was a straight forward answer, clear cut and to the point.

"Ask God for a bigger love tank. If it's running dry, you need more space!!"

This made me make two simple deductions.

1) Our love tank is limited in size (Possible unlimited like God's but I'm sure I'm far from it)

2) Our love tank can run dry

So if you wanna love more. You gotta do a few things?

1) Make room for more love to come in.

2) Be filled with alot more love more often

3) Be careful with whom you give love out to.

The first two comes by time and requests.

However, to be careful with whom we love??

Don't get me wrong once again. We are called to love everyone and anyone.

Even those whom inflict pain to you.

And I am a strong advocate of the fact that you give and it will be given back to you.

You lose your time, your effort, you WILL gain it back!

You expand your energy and service, people WILL give it back.

You share your love with others, you WILL be given that same amount, if not more, back.

So yes, we are to love everyone.

However, the words we use, have to be careful.

Most people know about the 4th Dimension.

Your words create it, making it something which is an atmosphere or realm around you beyong the 3D world.

Thus, the same applies, speak love, you create love.

However, you say you love your car and the next moment you say you love your wife?

I mean, are we ranking your car the same value as that of your wife??

This is what I'm talking about, not simply rationing the love.

But be careful with it.

Don't fall in love with the wrong things of this World.

Before you know it, it'll be drawing from the love tank of yours.

No matter how big it is, there's still a hole whereby it comes out from.

Love the things that matter, share with those whom matter.

Therefore, to keep your head in the game, don't simply focus on the idea of reaching out.

Or simply focusing on the wrong priorities in life.

Rank your love amounts so that you can properly ration that love.

be careful of whom and what you love.

Don't love the WRONG THINGS!!

Instead, don't love the action, love the person.

God thinks about you.

Listening to : Send Down Your Love - C3 Church

It's very easy all the time to get up on your feet and be angry in whatever situation you are in.

It's even easier if you look down at your situation and become angsty about it.

We get angry in the simplest of circumstances.

Yes, I got a little agitated today.

Not just today, but the whole of the past 3 days in fact.

I've been largely bothered my my computer, it is unable to detect any hardware except my Iphone.

As strange as that sounds, it's really been bothering me, if any one knows why, do pm me.

But either way, when this occurred, I had a very normal reaction.

I got really annoyed, irritated and yes angry.

I brought it to the next few days till today.

I was this close to exploding because of such a small issue.

Talking about making a mountain out of a molehill. That was the epitome of it all.

But as I began to reflect on the things that have occurred the past few days.

I know I should be studying, mugging for my coming exam on Friday.

But I just felt the need to express my thoughts and feelings on this.

That getting angry, getting agitated, losing your cool. Is really a CHOICE.

We make that choice out of various circumstances in our lives.

But more importantly, we make that choice out of a DECISION.

You decide whether to give in to the devil or not.

I'd like to think that our lives, is a 24/7 battle.

What's there to expect from a battle-hungry-always-energetic guy yeah?

But ya, the fact still remains that it is true.

Our lives is a battlefield, we are the battle.

God is fighting and the devil is fighting.

We choose who wins, we choose who gets the better of us.

When we get down to the wire, we get angry, we lost our cool, we forget to love.

It is so easy to garner self pity over yourself. But beyond that.

Instead of getting angry over your situation, your friend or even yourself.

Thank God in everything. In every situation that you are in.

When things go rough. Praise God in those circumstances.

I have learnt that valuable lesson today.

It was by far one of the worst ever. Really.

But I guess I chose to be happy, I chose to have a lifted spirit.

I realized that choosing to thank God In all things is better than getting angry.

It's just a waste of time, energy and life to get angry.

What's more. I know what I am today. I know what God thinks of me.

I know that getting angry won't help. But thinking of those things will liven me up.

I am a Child of GOD

I have a good future and a hope

I am Chosen

I have Love poured in me

I am More Than A Conqueror

My Smile makes GOD Smile

I have a purpose

The will and purpose GOD has for my life is amazing

I am able to make mountains move

I can change the World by Changing Lives

I am persistent to make it happen

The Love that comes out from my life can change lives

I am LOVED

The people around me Love me more than I think

I am secure in Life and in my Future

I am placed on this Earth to Reign

I am an overcomes in all times of trials

Every trial coming at me is a stepping stone to success

If God is for me, who can be against me

Jesus is praying for my success all the time, even now

The Word of God is the core of my life

I am or Worth

I am able to do IMPOSSIBLE things!

God loves me more than I ever know

I need not be ashamed of who I am

I am right beside GOD

Today is my day of victory

Today is my day of Purpose

Today is MY DAY!

Just saying all that already makes me feel that I'm going to do amazing stuff.

That getting angry is too trivial a matter.

That my life is more than this.

What is God thinking of you today?

Thank you, for everything

Listening to : Please Don't Go - Barcelona

I'm not worried about the press, I'm just concerned over the safety of others.

It may seem so ignorant, it may seem even naive to a certain extent.

I honestly wouldn't care much about what they say.

Wouldn't even begin to comprehend what the people think about it.

But I know for sure, that I'm going to stand my ground.

They say, that if you see me, you see the leaders over me inside.

I am proud to say, that if you see me, you will see even if it's just a little bit, you'll see them in me.

The Inspiration of Huizi.

The Happiness of Shirley.

The Discipline of Qingni.

The Courage of Evan.

The Strength of Vincent.

The Steadfastness of Eugene.

The Meticulousness of Boa Tian.

The Command of Beatrice.

The Servanthood of Alex.

The Smile of Baoling.

The Faith of my Brother.

The Confidence of Jeff.

The Spirituality of Lawrence.

The Helpfulness of Esther.

The Mind of Pastor Derek.

The Caring attitude of Pastor Audrey.

The Wisdom of Pastor Tan.

The Life of Pastor Kong.

All of these leaders, all of them. Have made me who I am today.

Yes, my peers have changed it in a big way too.

However, if it was not for them caring for me day and night.

My life in their minds running this incredible race.

Be it significant or small, I'm changed by all these people.

Pastor Kong, has done so much, he has made me who I am today.

He has done so directly and indirectly.

Every single one of those leaders would not have existed in my life if it wasn't for them.

My parents would not be saved if it wasn't for him.

Shiming wouldn't be saved if it wasn't for him.

I wouldn't have did so many impossibles if it wasn't for him.

Lionel is who he is today because of one man.

I have so much to thank him for, I owe so much to him.

The church, has made my life and I owe everything to it.

Pastor Kong and his ministry cannot be placed in higher reverence in my life.

I understand it now, what it means to stand by someones side.

I will never know what is exactly running through everyones mind.

I really wouldn't know how Pastor is feeling at this very moment.

However, I know one thing, that the tears he shed, are not for himself.

The tears rolling down those cheeks are for us.

Regardless of what they say, I am here, standing, sure of myself.

That if all fall away. I will still say, that I belong to City Harvest.

I have been so for the past 8 years and nothing will change that.

I am sure that every single one of those leaders have made me so sure of it.

Thank you, all of you.

Thank you, Pastor Kong, for the everything, for Lionel.

AMAAAAZING

Listening to : Party all the time - Black Eyed Peas

2 weeks have passed and here I am.

I have to admit, with hands up in the air, these 2 weeks have been the most life changing ever.

Ok, apart from the occasional A level results etc etc.

I'm quite sure that this 2 weeks would be the highlight of the year for me.

Yes, it is the one and only.

Asia Conference.

I have to be honest and true, I haven't been very excited about it.

Really, 1 month before, I haven't caught any AC fever whatsoever.

In fact, I've been rather against it with many rehearsals, auditions etc etc.

It's really been a torture to go through all of them.

But I have to come very blatantly, I was wrong.

The days of Asia conference and even the days leading up to it were phenomenal.

I mean, AMA----ZING!

For most normal conferences, I would be really focused and thinking that alright, I'm on duty.

I'm serving, however, this time round, it came across slightly differently.

I'm here, I'm serving, I'm changing Asia with this.

Every person I usher to the seat would probably be able to speak to his church a whole lot more effectively. He would really change his nation!

Did I receive much? Really honestly, apart from the few phrases, words and moments.

I didn't really catch much. But am I satisfied? Of course I am!!!

I really do believe, that it is a whole lot more blessed to give than to receive!!

I was so glad to be a blessing to others, to be able to be part of a huge conference such as this.

Apart from the ushering, yes. It was the one thing I've been hoping for.

ASIA CONFERENCE BEAUTY PAGEANT AND MANHUNT!!!

Yes, I WON! But I really don't care much about that.

Really, cause I already knew I was a winner way before we stepped out of the curtains.

The banners, the love, the support, the sacrifice, the friendship.

I knew that even if I left empty handed, I was a total winner!! :))

One thing I really took away....

The LOVE for one another. Oh how much more I would want.

How much more I would give...

CUT CUT CUT

Listening to : The Fall - Pixie Lot

I should really be sleeping at this late hour.

However, I'm being compelled to blog due to my wet hair and persistent English essay right beside me.

Yes, welcome the newest English Language teach Mr Choong, whom teaches using Physics methods. When that happens, you honestly know that you're pretty much bound to fail.

Either way, the past few weeks were really tough in a certain sense?

One can honestly tell when there has been a spirit of strong opposition to what we're doing.

Every time we try to make the magic happens, someone just needs to come spoil the show.

This time even before the show happens itself.

Many people are falling ill and having issues which were supposed to have been dealt with a long time back. It's rather infuriating at times, really.

Circumstances like these come and go.

But tough men don't. I've been excited for AC.

For me, I haven't been sick, but on the contrary, I've been plagued with negatives.

Things which shouldn't be in the thick skull of mine.

It's residing there, deep within. I wouldn't say it's jealousy. But rather, I guess it's where my legitimacy lies. To this World? Or to God?

Not even to heaven for that matter. But to God himself.

I've been trying to break free from that mentality.

Whereby we keep saying that I'm doing this for the greater good of man kind.

But sometimes we need to rethink our strategy. In fact, we need to think if we need a strategy to begin with. What's the real motive deep down??

Are we really doing this for God? Or for myself?

That makes happiness worth being happy about.

It's like the icing on the cake which makes the entire meal seem worthwhile.

1st, 2nd or last for that matter.

The fact that I'm in this competition if by God's grace. The fact that I'm here right now is by God's grace. So I'm gonna shift my focus a little.

To the one thing which matters.

I know, I know, it isn't the time to be thinking in such a manner. Especially with AC round the corner. Ushers are in desperate need of help.

If you haven't realized, we are rather stretched in all directions.

Thus, I find it very appropriate to take 5 just before the big match.

I need a psyche up speech, I need some motivation, or rather, I need some real quiet time.

Through all of these controversies, I only want my Shiming to know that she's the one whom really matters as well. I just need her. I really do.

Cause when I'm eventually on that stage, I'm going to need the support.

Cause winning is secondary, even the journey there is not in the top list.

What matters is that at the end of the competition and we walk down the stage, I can proudly say that I've contributed one way or another to changing ASIA.

PS. I LOVE THE HAIR CUT! Really, super sexy.

Listening to : Commander - Kelly Rowland

Ok this is it!!! Here goes nothing!!!

http://www.asiaconference.org.sg/2010/comp-games_pageant.php\

SELF EXPLANATORY!!!

LIONEL CHOONG IS THE NAME!!

love you deep deep

One reason to the next

Listening to : Because of you - Neyo ft Kanye West

I just find it strange and peculiar.

My interest shifts so easily from one point to another.

I took up the sport of Frisbee, got rather addicted to it.

Then because I wanted to get better, tried Crossfit during their off season.

However, this was prolonged due to irritating injuries from time to time.

So I stuck with Crossfit. However, I am at a point where my heart is divided.

I love crossfit now. It's mind blowing, I've explained it so many times I'm actually lazy to do so.

So yeah, just go google crossfit singapore.

But doing so reminds me of the track days. In a way.

At the same time, I do miss Frisbee and would definitely want to get back on the pitch real soon.

I really do so very very badly!

I miss hucking jumping and catching.

Anyone would simply advise me to do BOTH.

But yes, due to limited time, I am unable to split my body and mind into 2 so easily.

Factoring in the future clauses of studies and stuff like that.

It's all the idea of maximization.

Other than that, I doubt I'll have to capacity to cope.

Yes, the GEP program is rather crazy.

(One of my batch mates actually went to source out and disseminated all the lecture notes)

UNBELIEVABLE!!!

It's too early for this.

I'M TOO YOUNG FOR THIS!!!!

Or at least I feel so.

I'm not exactly ready for varsity life. I still feel like the playful self.

Oh well, I hope SOT will continue to change and mould me.

wakey

Listening to : Airplanes - Paramore

When the heart is big, it can contain more.

But at the same time, the devil finds it hard to miss.

It's days like these whereby I know I need more grace.

I need more help.

It doesn't happen often. It's for no reason whatsoever.

But I know when I wake up, it'll be all over.

Forever

Listening to : The Truth - Kris Allen

It's about being Perfect, to be the best there is.

But I want you to understand something.

To me, being Perfect is not about the scoreboard out there.

It's not about winning, it's about you and your relationship to yourself and your friends.

Being Perfect is about being able to look your friends in the eye,

and know you didn't let them down.

Because you told them the truth, that truth is that you did everything you could.

There is not one more thing that you could've done.

Can you live in that moment?

As best as you can, with clear eyes, with love in your heart, with joy in your heart.

If you can do that, then You are Perfect.

I want you to take a moment,

Look at your loved one in the eyes.

I want you to put each other in your hearts forever,

Because forever is about to happen in just a few minutes.

I want you to close your eyes.

And think of the many people whom are our brothers.

Whom would die to be out there with us.

I want you to put that in your hearts.

Once my heart was full.

Now my hearts full.

To laugh.

Listening to : Happy Day - Tim Hughes

It's a proven fact, the we are all not perfect.

Fallen short in one way or another.

Me? I can tell you a thousand and one things which I tend to overlook.

I can tell you a hundred over things which I can quote which I really should be doing but ain't.

I mean, We all do feel that way sometimes...

However, I'm very sure of one thing in my life which I really don't need to 'care' about.

Or at least force myself to think about.

That is, to be HAPPY.

I concluded that life isn't perfect at all.

But I've really gotten used to sucking it up.

And after the past 2 days, laughing and enjoying being happy feels awesome.

To wake up to a brand new morning smiling.

It just feels awesome to me. Great way to begin.

Through the past few days, I do admit, I have to force myself to smile at times.

I've disappointed myself a few times over and over again.

But the great thing to me is that I'll be able to come out of it smiling.

Literally smiling happy. :)

Excitement. AC!

Listening to : Te Amo - Rihanna

I feel bad that I'm neglecting this blog of mine.

From time to time it's really just left for it to rot.

However, I concluded that it just simply means a few things.

That I'm not reflecting enough and I'm not thinking enough.

Ain't too sure if that's a good or bad thing.

However, the fact that I'm actually doing so now means and implies something already.

I'm not confused or caught in a rut of any sort.

I'm just well, thinking of the big things which matter now.

But at the same time, in the midst of focusing so much on the big.

I tend to neglect the small. It's like two clashing factors. The key to it is balance I suppose.

Very similar to what I've learnt in Pageantry training today.

(which is by the way, extremely amazing, learnt alot of literally life skills. Many of which come across as really basic but they all seem to elude many these days.)

It's vital and key to be able to balance Poise, Presence and your Personality.

Because to bring yourself across as someone respectable and held in position you need to have Poise.

Presence carries that certain authority that you have. Which makes people see you.

Personality is who you are, but at the same time, bringing out without speaking.

For a person like me, to be able to bring my personality out without clashing with my Poise.

It just doesn't mix you see...

I'm as noisy as a irritated monkey, but I'm supposed to mix that with Poise?

If I had my way with Pageant, I'll be jumping around on stage with hands flying high.

But yes, be happy I'm not doing so.

But instead, I've learnt that mixing my personality with Poise just means,

HAVE A WHOLE LOTTA FUN while I'm at the Pageant thing.

I take it seriously, but it's really fun! Just let loose and let it all out.

It feels like a good outlet (though I may not feel the same during the actual competition)

So yeah, I figured I just have to balance, just like my personality and Poise, the various aspects of life. I just find it tough for people to understand where I'm coming from at times.

I'd love to sit back and relax this month. But yes, it's going to be very very tough.

People speak of Asia Conference as something to be looked forward to.

I do too, but What Jeff said today really made me think.

If he has done so much, what am I doing. Really...

This conference is NOT for us. It's for THEM.

Yes, lives will be changed if I were to lay back and attend service just cause I'll recieve and impart to others eventually.

But I'm VERY VERY sure. The impact which I'll have as I usher and carry out Manhunt will be far greater than myself. I'll be able to impact ASIA.

These people attending will go out and catch that fire.

I just feel that it's my job to make sure that whatever happens, it's delivered well.

That NO MATTER what happens, they get a seat in the hall without and conflicts.

If I offend a delegate whom is a Pastor from another country, I may have just caused him to lose the fire. Doing so may hinder his recieving of the anointing.

I would've caused them the souls of hundreds or maybe thousands.

I don't want that on my hands.

AC starts now for me. Time to prep for it.

Besides the point, I really wish to get a pat on the back at times.

Not to simply receive gratitude.

However, to push me on. Cause it seems tough at times.

Especially when it comes to changing someones life.

We may labor hard, but I'm very sure that it will not be in vain. I'm sure of it.

The week will be rather arduous. With SOT and all. But I'm excited!!!

to do

Listening to : Bleed - Hot Chelle Rae

Neglect, I try not to.

Believe, I earnestly attempt to.

Trust, I hope too much for.

Bask, I just want to.

Love, I truly enjoy to.

Walking on, I will do so.

Remember those hands

Listening to : Hey Soul Sister - Train

It's been a rather eventful day.

I've got so much to say that I really don't know where to start.

Won't know if I have to capacity to pen it all down myself.

All I can say is that, It's been an honor to be a blessing to others.

All I've always wanted is to make a difference in the lives of someone. Anyone.

I'm really glad that I was able to do that today.

Not only that, I'm really convinced that serving is how life should be.

I've gotten too caught up.

It's when I look at my own life, when I focus down.

That's when I tend to fail, fall into thinking, fall into a rut.

Really, it sucks so badly that I really can't help it.

But today, was really a time whereby I have to remember.

An occasion for me to continually look upon.

Because it was so clear. I really remember that look.

That view in my mind, the face of shivering tears in front of me.

The look which made me speechless. I can honestly try to paint it out with my words.

But it really is futile effort, no amount of words can describe it.

It struck my heart with so much emotions.

Because when he stretched out his hands, palms facing downwards.

Telling me and comforting me with tears in my eyes in the natural and supernatural sense.

That when the burden was too heavy, I wanted to give the will up.

but I didn't, I didn't give it up. So if he can do it, going through much more.

I'm sure I can. With much conviction. I'm very sure that I can.

Yes, I want to remember those hands.