Never been

Listening to : What are you waiting for - Colby O Donis

I have to admit, this year has to be the fastest year ever.
i was just sitting down with one of the security guys and I realized....

It's 2 more months of SOT! Then it's the start of school.

I'm actually going to start NUS really soon. I can't believe it.

This year is passing by too fast.

It's mid point of the year. I have to admit, it's really been a great half.

Really. As for my goals, visions, dreams. I'm quite sure I'm one step closer to it.

I'm trying my best to improve myself everyday. I sound like a machine but it really seems that way. The time expanded will not come back.

But the fruits of it will remain. Forever, I hope.

The year of change. I hope that it'll really change for the better.

As for now, I just hope my motivations and intentions are of use and of benefit to the rest.

BACK TO REALITY LIONEL!

I'm not in a dance in the middle of a laser field.

I'm in reality. Where things don't exactly go the way they're supposed to be.

Where mistakes and disappointments happen.

I guess living in such a World is this way.

But then again, it's living in denial as well.

What are we? What are we to ourselves? To our spirits?

Are we to hide them all? Are we to conform to the standards of ourselves?

Just deep in thought.

Listening to : King of anything - Sara Bareiles

The worst pressure that can come from anyone is the one which comes from within.

The feeling whereby you know that you've got too much to do.

However, I've come to realize that instead of being busy about the things around.

I find myself making way and time for the things which matters.

I know and I'm sorry if I haven't been the best around town.

I may have just stepped on wrong toes and even placed wrong priorities at times.

However, I'm gonna try to focus from tomorrow onwards.

I know that it's going to be a better day!

The need for the people around me is a priority.

However, I've come to realize that even that needs to be properly prioritized.

Everyone needs something. It's whether you see him as important or not.

Everyone can argue and debate about this whole issue over and over again.

But it's true. Why don't you bother to meet this person and bother caring for him?

It's simple, save the excuses, you just don't place him in priority.

So what is a priority in your life? One of significance?

Or one which is after the same old dumb rat race.

Or worst still, in this caught up idea of reaching out.

Don't get me wrong (I better clarify lest I die tomorrow)

Reaching out to the lost is all good and wholesome. Totally for it.

However, we may come to a point of really running this rat race of reaching out.

So substantiated and into the motion till we forget to do the one thing which matters.

Love.

We talk about love and love and love. We may say it out, preach it out.

Till we really may get numb to it.

We may be with that person we have to work on and really not do so out of love but compulsion.

Don't ever be a professional "lover".

Be genuine, be real, that's the facts which keep you going.

Someone told me recently and answered a burning question of mine.

"When it's so hard to love. What can we do?"

It was a straight forward answer, clear cut and to the point.

"Ask God for a bigger love tank. If it's running dry, you need more space!!"

This made me make two simple deductions.

1) Our love tank is limited in size (Possible unlimited like God's but I'm sure I'm far from it)

2) Our love tank can run dry

So if you wanna love more. You gotta do a few things?

1) Make room for more love to come in.

2) Be filled with alot more love more often

3) Be careful with whom you give love out to.

The first two comes by time and requests.

However, to be careful with whom we love??

Don't get me wrong once again. We are called to love everyone and anyone.

Even those whom inflict pain to you.

And I am a strong advocate of the fact that you give and it will be given back to you.

You lose your time, your effort, you WILL gain it back!

You expand your energy and service, people WILL give it back.

You share your love with others, you WILL be given that same amount, if not more, back.

So yes, we are to love everyone.

However, the words we use, have to be careful.

Most people know about the 4th Dimension.

Your words create it, making it something which is an atmosphere or realm around you beyong the 3D world.

Thus, the same applies, speak love, you create love.

However, you say you love your car and the next moment you say you love your wife?

I mean, are we ranking your car the same value as that of your wife??

This is what I'm talking about, not simply rationing the love.

But be careful with it.

Don't fall in love with the wrong things of this World.

Before you know it, it'll be drawing from the love tank of yours.

No matter how big it is, there's still a hole whereby it comes out from.

Love the things that matter, share with those whom matter.

Therefore, to keep your head in the game, don't simply focus on the idea of reaching out.

Or simply focusing on the wrong priorities in life.

Rank your love amounts so that you can properly ration that love.

be careful of whom and what you love.

Don't love the WRONG THINGS!!

Instead, don't love the action, love the person.

God thinks about you.

Listening to : Send Down Your Love - C3 Church

It's very easy all the time to get up on your feet and be angry in whatever situation you are in.

It's even easier if you look down at your situation and become angsty about it.

We get angry in the simplest of circumstances.

Yes, I got a little agitated today.

Not just today, but the whole of the past 3 days in fact.

I've been largely bothered my my computer, it is unable to detect any hardware except my Iphone.

As strange as that sounds, it's really been bothering me, if any one knows why, do pm me.

But either way, when this occurred, I had a very normal reaction.

I got really annoyed, irritated and yes angry.

I brought it to the next few days till today.

I was this close to exploding because of such a small issue.

Talking about making a mountain out of a molehill. That was the epitome of it all.

But as I began to reflect on the things that have occurred the past few days.

I know I should be studying, mugging for my coming exam on Friday.

But I just felt the need to express my thoughts and feelings on this.

That getting angry, getting agitated, losing your cool. Is really a CHOICE.

We make that choice out of various circumstances in our lives.

But more importantly, we make that choice out of a DECISION.

You decide whether to give in to the devil or not.

I'd like to think that our lives, is a 24/7 battle.

What's there to expect from a battle-hungry-always-energetic guy yeah?

But ya, the fact still remains that it is true.

Our lives is a battlefield, we are the battle.

God is fighting and the devil is fighting.

We choose who wins, we choose who gets the better of us.

When we get down to the wire, we get angry, we lost our cool, we forget to love.

It is so easy to garner self pity over yourself. But beyond that.

Instead of getting angry over your situation, your friend or even yourself.

Thank God in everything. In every situation that you are in.

When things go rough. Praise God in those circumstances.

I have learnt that valuable lesson today.

It was by far one of the worst ever. Really.

But I guess I chose to be happy, I chose to have a lifted spirit.

I realized that choosing to thank God In all things is better than getting angry.

It's just a waste of time, energy and life to get angry.

What's more. I know what I am today. I know what God thinks of me.

I know that getting angry won't help. But thinking of those things will liven me up.

I am a Child of GOD

I have a good future and a hope

I am Chosen

I have Love poured in me

I am More Than A Conqueror

My Smile makes GOD Smile

I have a purpose

The will and purpose GOD has for my life is amazing

I am able to make mountains move

I can change the World by Changing Lives

I am persistent to make it happen

The Love that comes out from my life can change lives

I am LOVED

The people around me Love me more than I think

I am secure in Life and in my Future

I am placed on this Earth to Reign

I am an overcomes in all times of trials

Every trial coming at me is a stepping stone to success

If God is for me, who can be against me

Jesus is praying for my success all the time, even now

The Word of God is the core of my life

I am or Worth

I am able to do IMPOSSIBLE things!

God loves me more than I ever know

I need not be ashamed of who I am

I am right beside GOD

Today is my day of victory

Today is my day of Purpose

Today is MY DAY!

Just saying all that already makes me feel that I'm going to do amazing stuff.

That getting angry is too trivial a matter.

That my life is more than this.

What is God thinking of you today?

Thank you, for everything

Listening to : Please Don't Go - Barcelona

I'm not worried about the press, I'm just concerned over the safety of others.

It may seem so ignorant, it may seem even naive to a certain extent.

I honestly wouldn't care much about what they say.

Wouldn't even begin to comprehend what the people think about it.

But I know for sure, that I'm going to stand my ground.

They say, that if you see me, you see the leaders over me inside.

I am proud to say, that if you see me, you will see even if it's just a little bit, you'll see them in me.

The Inspiration of Huizi.

The Happiness of Shirley.

The Discipline of Qingni.

The Courage of Evan.

The Strength of Vincent.

The Steadfastness of Eugene.

The Meticulousness of Boa Tian.

The Command of Beatrice.

The Servanthood of Alex.

The Smile of Baoling.

The Faith of my Brother.

The Confidence of Jeff.

The Spirituality of Lawrence.

The Helpfulness of Esther.

The Mind of Pastor Derek.

The Caring attitude of Pastor Audrey.

The Wisdom of Pastor Tan.

The Life of Pastor Kong.

All of these leaders, all of them. Have made me who I am today.

Yes, my peers have changed it in a big way too.

However, if it was not for them caring for me day and night.

My life in their minds running this incredible race.

Be it significant or small, I'm changed by all these people.

Pastor Kong, has done so much, he has made me who I am today.

He has done so directly and indirectly.

Every single one of those leaders would not have existed in my life if it wasn't for them.

My parents would not be saved if it wasn't for him.

Shiming wouldn't be saved if it wasn't for him.

I wouldn't have did so many impossibles if it wasn't for him.

Lionel is who he is today because of one man.

I have so much to thank him for, I owe so much to him.

The church, has made my life and I owe everything to it.

Pastor Kong and his ministry cannot be placed in higher reverence in my life.

I understand it now, what it means to stand by someones side.

I will never know what is exactly running through everyones mind.

I really wouldn't know how Pastor is feeling at this very moment.

However, I know one thing, that the tears he shed, are not for himself.

The tears rolling down those cheeks are for us.

Regardless of what they say, I am here, standing, sure of myself.

That if all fall away. I will still say, that I belong to City Harvest.

I have been so for the past 8 years and nothing will change that.

I am sure that every single one of those leaders have made me so sure of it.

Thank you, all of you.

Thank you, Pastor Kong, for the everything, for Lionel.

AMAAAAZING

Listening to : Party all the time - Black Eyed Peas

2 weeks have passed and here I am.

I have to admit, with hands up in the air, these 2 weeks have been the most life changing ever.

Ok, apart from the occasional A level results etc etc.

I'm quite sure that this 2 weeks would be the highlight of the year for me.

Yes, it is the one and only.

Asia Conference.

I have to be honest and true, I haven't been very excited about it.

Really, 1 month before, I haven't caught any AC fever whatsoever.

In fact, I've been rather against it with many rehearsals, auditions etc etc.

It's really been a torture to go through all of them.

But I have to come very blatantly, I was wrong.

The days of Asia conference and even the days leading up to it were phenomenal.

I mean, AMA----ZING!

For most normal conferences, I would be really focused and thinking that alright, I'm on duty.

I'm serving, however, this time round, it came across slightly differently.

I'm here, I'm serving, I'm changing Asia with this.

Every person I usher to the seat would probably be able to speak to his church a whole lot more effectively. He would really change his nation!

Did I receive much? Really honestly, apart from the few phrases, words and moments.

I didn't really catch much. But am I satisfied? Of course I am!!!

I really do believe, that it is a whole lot more blessed to give than to receive!!

I was so glad to be a blessing to others, to be able to be part of a huge conference such as this.

Apart from the ushering, yes. It was the one thing I've been hoping for.

ASIA CONFERENCE BEAUTY PAGEANT AND MANHUNT!!!

Yes, I WON! But I really don't care much about that.

Really, cause I already knew I was a winner way before we stepped out of the curtains.

The banners, the love, the support, the sacrifice, the friendship.

I knew that even if I left empty handed, I was a total winner!! :))

One thing I really took away....

The LOVE for one another. Oh how much more I would want.

How much more I would give...

CUT CUT CUT

Listening to : The Fall - Pixie Lot

I should really be sleeping at this late hour.

However, I'm being compelled to blog due to my wet hair and persistent English essay right beside me.

Yes, welcome the newest English Language teach Mr Choong, whom teaches using Physics methods. When that happens, you honestly know that you're pretty much bound to fail.

Either way, the past few weeks were really tough in a certain sense?

One can honestly tell when there has been a spirit of strong opposition to what we're doing.

Every time we try to make the magic happens, someone just needs to come spoil the show.

This time even before the show happens itself.

Many people are falling ill and having issues which were supposed to have been dealt with a long time back. It's rather infuriating at times, really.

Circumstances like these come and go.

But tough men don't. I've been excited for AC.

For me, I haven't been sick, but on the contrary, I've been plagued with negatives.

Things which shouldn't be in the thick skull of mine.

It's residing there, deep within. I wouldn't say it's jealousy. But rather, I guess it's where my legitimacy lies. To this World? Or to God?

Not even to heaven for that matter. But to God himself.

I've been trying to break free from that mentality.

Whereby we keep saying that I'm doing this for the greater good of man kind.

But sometimes we need to rethink our strategy. In fact, we need to think if we need a strategy to begin with. What's the real motive deep down??

Are we really doing this for God? Or for myself?

That makes happiness worth being happy about.

It's like the icing on the cake which makes the entire meal seem worthwhile.

1st, 2nd or last for that matter.

The fact that I'm in this competition if by God's grace. The fact that I'm here right now is by God's grace. So I'm gonna shift my focus a little.

To the one thing which matters.

I know, I know, it isn't the time to be thinking in such a manner. Especially with AC round the corner. Ushers are in desperate need of help.

If you haven't realized, we are rather stretched in all directions.

Thus, I find it very appropriate to take 5 just before the big match.

I need a psyche up speech, I need some motivation, or rather, I need some real quiet time.

Through all of these controversies, I only want my Shiming to know that she's the one whom really matters as well. I just need her. I really do.

Cause when I'm eventually on that stage, I'm going to need the support.

Cause winning is secondary, even the journey there is not in the top list.

What matters is that at the end of the competition and we walk down the stage, I can proudly say that I've contributed one way or another to changing ASIA.

PS. I LOVE THE HAIR CUT! Really, super sexy.

Listening to : Commander - Kelly Rowland

Ok this is it!!! Here goes nothing!!!

http://www.asiaconference.org.sg/2010/comp-games_pageant.php\

SELF EXPLANATORY!!!

LIONEL CHOONG IS THE NAME!!

love you deep deep

One reason to the next

Listening to : Because of you - Neyo ft Kanye West

I just find it strange and peculiar.

My interest shifts so easily from one point to another.

I took up the sport of Frisbee, got rather addicted to it.

Then because I wanted to get better, tried Crossfit during their off season.

However, this was prolonged due to irritating injuries from time to time.

So I stuck with Crossfit. However, I am at a point where my heart is divided.

I love crossfit now. It's mind blowing, I've explained it so many times I'm actually lazy to do so.

So yeah, just go google crossfit singapore.

But doing so reminds me of the track days. In a way.

At the same time, I do miss Frisbee and would definitely want to get back on the pitch real soon.

I really do so very very badly!

I miss hucking jumping and catching.

Anyone would simply advise me to do BOTH.

But yes, due to limited time, I am unable to split my body and mind into 2 so easily.

Factoring in the future clauses of studies and stuff like that.

It's all the idea of maximization.

Other than that, I doubt I'll have to capacity to cope.

Yes, the GEP program is rather crazy.

(One of my batch mates actually went to source out and disseminated all the lecture notes)

UNBELIEVABLE!!!

It's too early for this.

I'M TOO YOUNG FOR THIS!!!!

Or at least I feel so.

I'm not exactly ready for varsity life. I still feel like the playful self.

Oh well, I hope SOT will continue to change and mould me.

wakey

Listening to : Airplanes - Paramore

When the heart is big, it can contain more.

But at the same time, the devil finds it hard to miss.

It's days like these whereby I know I need more grace.

I need more help.

It doesn't happen often. It's for no reason whatsoever.

But I know when I wake up, it'll be all over.

Forever

Listening to : The Truth - Kris Allen

It's about being Perfect, to be the best there is.

But I want you to understand something.

To me, being Perfect is not about the scoreboard out there.

It's not about winning, it's about you and your relationship to yourself and your friends.

Being Perfect is about being able to look your friends in the eye,

and know you didn't let them down.

Because you told them the truth, that truth is that you did everything you could.

There is not one more thing that you could've done.

Can you live in that moment?

As best as you can, with clear eyes, with love in your heart, with joy in your heart.

If you can do that, then You are Perfect.

I want you to take a moment,

Look at your loved one in the eyes.

I want you to put each other in your hearts forever,

Because forever is about to happen in just a few minutes.

I want you to close your eyes.

And think of the many people whom are our brothers.

Whom would die to be out there with us.

I want you to put that in your hearts.

Once my heart was full.

Now my hearts full.

To laugh.

Listening to : Happy Day - Tim Hughes

It's a proven fact, the we are all not perfect.

Fallen short in one way or another.

Me? I can tell you a thousand and one things which I tend to overlook.

I can tell you a hundred over things which I can quote which I really should be doing but ain't.

I mean, We all do feel that way sometimes...

However, I'm very sure of one thing in my life which I really don't need to 'care' about.

Or at least force myself to think about.

That is, to be HAPPY.

I concluded that life isn't perfect at all.

But I've really gotten used to sucking it up.

And after the past 2 days, laughing and enjoying being happy feels awesome.

To wake up to a brand new morning smiling.

It just feels awesome to me. Great way to begin.

Through the past few days, I do admit, I have to force myself to smile at times.

I've disappointed myself a few times over and over again.

But the great thing to me is that I'll be able to come out of it smiling.

Literally smiling happy. :)

Excitement. AC!

Listening to : Te Amo - Rihanna

I feel bad that I'm neglecting this blog of mine.

From time to time it's really just left for it to rot.

However, I concluded that it just simply means a few things.

That I'm not reflecting enough and I'm not thinking enough.

Ain't too sure if that's a good or bad thing.

However, the fact that I'm actually doing so now means and implies something already.

I'm not confused or caught in a rut of any sort.

I'm just well, thinking of the big things which matter now.

But at the same time, in the midst of focusing so much on the big.

I tend to neglect the small. It's like two clashing factors. The key to it is balance I suppose.

Very similar to what I've learnt in Pageantry training today.

(which is by the way, extremely amazing, learnt alot of literally life skills. Many of which come across as really basic but they all seem to elude many these days.)

It's vital and key to be able to balance Poise, Presence and your Personality.

Because to bring yourself across as someone respectable and held in position you need to have Poise.

Presence carries that certain authority that you have. Which makes people see you.

Personality is who you are, but at the same time, bringing out without speaking.

For a person like me, to be able to bring my personality out without clashing with my Poise.

It just doesn't mix you see...

I'm as noisy as a irritated monkey, but I'm supposed to mix that with Poise?

If I had my way with Pageant, I'll be jumping around on stage with hands flying high.

But yes, be happy I'm not doing so.

But instead, I've learnt that mixing my personality with Poise just means,

HAVE A WHOLE LOTTA FUN while I'm at the Pageant thing.

I take it seriously, but it's really fun! Just let loose and let it all out.

It feels like a good outlet (though I may not feel the same during the actual competition)

So yeah, I figured I just have to balance, just like my personality and Poise, the various aspects of life. I just find it tough for people to understand where I'm coming from at times.

I'd love to sit back and relax this month. But yes, it's going to be very very tough.

People speak of Asia Conference as something to be looked forward to.

I do too, but What Jeff said today really made me think.

If he has done so much, what am I doing. Really...

This conference is NOT for us. It's for THEM.

Yes, lives will be changed if I were to lay back and attend service just cause I'll recieve and impart to others eventually.

But I'm VERY VERY sure. The impact which I'll have as I usher and carry out Manhunt will be far greater than myself. I'll be able to impact ASIA.

These people attending will go out and catch that fire.

I just feel that it's my job to make sure that whatever happens, it's delivered well.

That NO MATTER what happens, they get a seat in the hall without and conflicts.

If I offend a delegate whom is a Pastor from another country, I may have just caused him to lose the fire. Doing so may hinder his recieving of the anointing.

I would've caused them the souls of hundreds or maybe thousands.

I don't want that on my hands.

AC starts now for me. Time to prep for it.

Besides the point, I really wish to get a pat on the back at times.

Not to simply receive gratitude.

However, to push me on. Cause it seems tough at times.

Especially when it comes to changing someones life.

We may labor hard, but I'm very sure that it will not be in vain. I'm sure of it.

The week will be rather arduous. With SOT and all. But I'm excited!!!

to do

Listening to : Bleed - Hot Chelle Rae

Neglect, I try not to.

Believe, I earnestly attempt to.

Trust, I hope too much for.

Bask, I just want to.

Love, I truly enjoy to.

Walking on, I will do so.

Remember those hands

Listening to : Hey Soul Sister - Train

It's been a rather eventful day.

I've got so much to say that I really don't know where to start.

Won't know if I have to capacity to pen it all down myself.

All I can say is that, It's been an honor to be a blessing to others.

All I've always wanted is to make a difference in the lives of someone. Anyone.

I'm really glad that I was able to do that today.

Not only that, I'm really convinced that serving is how life should be.

I've gotten too caught up.

It's when I look at my own life, when I focus down.

That's when I tend to fail, fall into thinking, fall into a rut.

Really, it sucks so badly that I really can't help it.

But today, was really a time whereby I have to remember.

An occasion for me to continually look upon.

Because it was so clear. I really remember that look.

That view in my mind, the face of shivering tears in front of me.

The look which made me speechless. I can honestly try to paint it out with my words.

But it really is futile effort, no amount of words can describe it.

It struck my heart with so much emotions.

Because when he stretched out his hands, palms facing downwards.

Telling me and comforting me with tears in my eyes in the natural and supernatural sense.

That when the burden was too heavy, I wanted to give the will up.

but I didn't, I didn't give it up. So if he can do it, going through much more.

I'm sure I can. With much conviction. I'm very sure that I can.

Yes, I want to remember those hands.

Flight in motion

Listening to : Gravity - Pixie Lot

Yeah, life really sucks when you ain't out there doing something which matters.

When you feel like you're bed-ridden and really can't move about. AHHHH!!!

I may seem like a typical no brainer who just needs to exercise.

But yes, I just need to do so.

With my legs giving way so easily, I don't know what to expect anymore.

If you though that it's a small deal, no it ain't.

It's like telling a singer that she has lost the ability to sing.

It means the same to me.

You take my legs away, you take my flight away.

I desperately want it back.

But it's strange. Though it does hurt, though it does seem impossible.

I don't want to ever give in to the pain.

No, it ain't going to hold me down!!

Come back to the true self

Listening to : Could you be the one - Stereophonics

I have come to realization that what we do is mostly driven by what we think.

DUH.

However, I've also come to find out a simple simple truth,

That sometimes, just maybe, just possibly.

Humans aren't all wise and all knowing. That our thinking may just be flawed.

That whatever we may be thinking of doing may not be the best for us in our current state and mind. maybe it isn't so just yet.

But maybe, what we should be doing is following the orders of a higher being.

Of something not called a brain, but a heart.

I'm going to come very explicit here.

I've really been experiencing a feeling of detachment.

A period of leaving and being thrown into empty space.

Maybe breaking away from the things which I know are holding me back all this while.

The attitudes of "always NO" are finally fading away.

Yeah it hurts, it really does, especially when what I'm leaving is so so close to my heart.

I've given more than my heart to them. But really, maybe what I'm supposed to do is proper.

What I'm supposed to do may not be the easiest thing ever.

I have always been justifying my own actions and telling myself that it's right.

That being with them makes me feel free, makes me feel like myself.

But then again, who am I, really?

A split personality for too long. It's time to choose one and choose wisely.

I've dedicated so much to both worlds. But in due time, I know that things will become clear.

Especially now, when it's coming.

And I know it, cause when the time comes, I'll have to be willing to sacrifice.

Regardless of stature, comments and criticism.

It'll be painful, but I have to endure it.

I just hope that at the end of the day, they'll be true buddies to understand.

Maybe not them, but really just one. Just one among all.

palms

Listening to : Dakota - Stereophonics

So the time is right I suppose.

For me to emerge from the depths of straying away for too long.

Thrown into leadership when I wasn't prepared.

Embracing the tough challenges ahead in life for the next couple of months.

I wonder how things will turn out in a few weeks.

Hasn't been the smoothest of weeks considering I've had some difficulties.

However, things have always turned out for the better.

Miracles and wonders have already started to happen. Not in the realm of physical of course.

But in the hearts and the spirits of so many people that I've come across.

That means a whole lot more to me than physical healing or magic moments.

I'm glad with what I have. I'm happy with the situations that I'm constantly in.

The doors are opening more than ever before.

But I just need to be sure to enter the right door at the right time.

I wouldn't wanna jump the gun on this.

Won't wanna run too fast and too hard for my own pace and end up burning up.

I just wanna remain focused on the current goals in front of me now.

Yeah, the priority is definitely the spiritual side for sure.

Sometimes I do get distracted.

However, at an occasion and time like this.

I'm very very sure that whatever distractions come my way.

I'm able to fan it away relatively easily. It's fabulous how things are placed in such a way.

Whereby the temptations push me but like what things say.

Never beyond what I can handle.

But i really do want more. I want this time to be the best there is.

To be able to do the best that I can. Not only in terms of my spirit.

But in my soul, in my body. I wanna maximize myself.

I wanna love so much more.

Yeah, Living daily by the words of the Spirit seem like the best thing to do now.

2 hit combo

Listening to : Don't stop believing - Glee

Yes, I get spoken to in the strangest areas and situations.

I get revelations in a combo most of the time.

On the road, in the shower, scrolling down music.

Cause while soaping up, I know that if I don't see his hand, I trust his heart.

And yes, Glee tells me Don't stop believing.

I can see that God is at work now. Lifting me up bit by bit.

It's a small step, but a big one in my Faith.

Cause I know that yes, I ain't alone, That some have yet to give up on me.

Let's see what I dream of tonight.

The theology

Listening to : I caught myself - Paramore

Draw closer to me. No don't pull back cause you'll never know what may happen.

I'm now at a juncture in which I hardly can understand.

What am I supposed to feel?

How am I supposed to react to this?

Should I take it with excitement? I suppose so. But then again, I realize that it's forced out.

It's not the most natural feelings I have. Very strangely.

But then it gets interesting when you realize that you're now in a position of no choices.

We have no option whatsoever. Giving ourselves no time to adapt.

Hmmm, Life can be a chore, but it's when we actually do enjoy the chore.

I always have that choice. I always have an option even in a dead end situation.

Whether to push forward or whether to just give up and throw in the towel.

No, I haven't been the strongest fighter in the ring.

Haven't been able to conquer them demons within.

Yeah, I can boast about how I fight in many areas. When I can take the pain.

Cause that I know I can. Give it to me, cause I'm the tank.

But when it comes to fighting the feelings out, I just can't.

It has to originate from within.

When I now know that the outcome is on me.

It always has. I have a choice in this. Whether I want to enter the fighting ring.

Whether I'll run away like a chicken or stand firm in my beliefs and rough it out till the day breaks.

When the violators come and attack, You stand firm.

But no, that's not it. You get to call your fights. You choose whether you win or lose.

I admit, I have been losing recently.

Very easily, I throw in the towel. Giving it up cause I have to guts to trust in myself.

Then I realized on the drive home. It's a time like this when I can say.

If I can't change myself, How am I supposed to change those looking up to me, How can I possibly change the World.

How do I inspire those fighting this same fight to not give up when I'm on the verge of it as well.

Moving it by examples should be the key to this success.

I want to be that role.

I want to cause myself to change for others.

Yeah, I know I have to render change in this attitude of mine.

Possibly effect from now. And yes, I refuse to give in.

But no, I can't do it alone. I really can't. I need everyones help in this.

The brothers by my right and companions by my left.

I've been carried by them for so long. I will not lose Faith now.

Not when the miracles are coming.

SOT will be the best time of my life.

It will be the time where I can proudly say that I've done all I can.

When the towel is used not to throw it in to signal surrender.

No, not this fight.

The towel will be used to wipe the perspiration which drips from my brows when it gets rough.

The towel will be used to remove the tears falling from the sockets when the pain gets too hard to bear, when the sacrifices mean too much

The towel will be used to clean the blood of the sword of the spirit when I slay them demons.

The towel will definitely be used to absorb the oil and giving me that fresh aroma again.

Lastly, It will be used to tend to the wounds I receive from the battle. Cause there will be scars.

I believe it, So please, Believe with me.

I need you of all people, Shiming.

There goes my Hero

Listening to : My Hero - Paramore

I was approached by a friend yesterday, not in person of course, but online.

He popped this very surprising statement which made me think.

He said that he wasn't a great friend. That he had so many problems and that he wasn't paying no attention to mine at all.

The next thought was very obvious for me, he didn't need to do so cause I really didn't have any.

I'm too carefree, too relaxed to do anything.

No he isn't paranoid. Then I realized...

I guess maybe I do have some issues I never bothered to deal with.

I have had many problems which I just chucked aside for the time being.

Not forgetting those which have to bring in others.

Yeah, I've always said that I'm easily contented, happy with the simplicities of life.

But I've never really pondered and wondered, maybe that's whats wrong with me.

I don't want things hard enough, I don't think hard enough.

I met Celine yesterday, and she gave a very interesting comment after knowing me for a while.

She said that I don't think of the problems in life. I just look at the bright side all the time.

At times I wish that it wasn't the case.

Sometimes I wish that I was able to appreciate the sore things.

Cause that's when I actually do start seeing the things which matter.

When I start thinking if things will work out, maybe that's when I actually deal with them.

The fact that I'm thinking of it this way must mean that I'm actually acting on it now.

I have to be that change in the World. I have to be the miracle.

I keep saying that all the time, but before I do something, I gotta realize the things which need change, which need help in. Yes, I do need some pin pointing.

Tell me I'm a hopeless friend, I'm a bad lover, I can't run, I ain't cut out for this job.

Cause I need to know, badly.

Explain to me this conspiracy against me.

How can I be a fighter if there's really nothing to fight at all.

I'll be very blatant at this, sometimes I feel so forced to do certain things.

I feel so hopeless and lifeless to be actually committed to something worth committing to.

Perhaps I just have to start looking around for my purpose again.

Cause I don't want to be forced into one like a dog.

Yes, before SOT i need some help.

No I will not detach myself again, cause there's too much at stake.

Gimmmme

Listening to : Say it again - Marie Digby

I never know that it was really such a pleasure to blog while on the go.
I mean, who would think of such a wonderul idea and put it on the iPhone?
Anyway, the good thing is that life is rather stabilizing. Finding and searching.
But I wonder at times why does the format seem to revert back to the days of old.
Profound thoughts linger at times, but sometimes an easy mind simplifies.
I do want to know the reason and the answer for it.

no way no way

Listening to : Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne

Yes, Life sucks when you sprain your ankle, have nothing to do and your girlfriend is having exams.

Seriously, life can't suck more.

Ok maybe it can, but oh well.

And to top it off, why does the only thing I'm able to do now seem to be driving.

Sometimes I just wish I didn't have my license....

Ok I take that back.

Either way, Yes, Lionel Choong is joining Man Hunt.

Please do not laugh.

After a talk with the strangest person about this topic, My Mum, I guess I'm joining for the fun of it.

It'll be an experience!

Ok, I have guests over at my place today.

Oh does entertaining seem to be the only thing I can do now!!!

To the wire

Listening to : the only exception - paramore

When it finally came to the decision.
When things finally came down to the wire.
Yeah, god came through.
Surprisingly with an inspiration in which I've never expected.
Because the past 4 years of my life were made for this.
The past 4 years was an inspiration to me.
Those big dumb planes.
And most importantly, the best team i could ask for.
Thanks so much for giving me my story...

You are...

Listening to : World Behind My Wall - Tokio Hotel

Didn't really have much inspiration to blog.

In fact, never really had much mood to do so either.

Not until now that is.

So the feeling of back in Singapore is bitter sweet.

Missing a whole lot of not just the culture but the lifestyle there.

Not caring about so many things.

Being the man I really wanted to be.

To have been free...

There are truly times in my life when I feel like another person.

Someone who loves other things than which I should be focusing on.

Isn't really the lifestyle I'm supposed to live.

Yeah isn't the way I'm supposed to walk.

But I have been thrown into confusion once again. Pondering and pacing.

Back and forth as to why...

It feels so natural to me that I feel unnatural.

Am I following the path which I want to?

Am I supposed to Love the way I'm supposed to?

Or is there no other way....

To go by the book? Or to transcend boundaries.

Maybe we are the only exception to things.

Sorry to disappoint the entire world.

But yeah. At times I believe so.

When the time comes, I'll make sure it's done right.

iPhone

Testingggg

Party in the USA~!

Listening to : Blame it on the Pop - DJ Earworm

If you think that I've been neglecting my blog. No!!

I've just been overseas for the past 2 weeks. On a holiday of course!

Strangely, I didn't exactly find alot of inspiration to blog over there.

I guess cause it was really endless fun after fun!

It was an amazing trip and I'm really happy I went for it.

I really don't have much to say.

Guess I'll let the photos speak for itself on Facebook.

But certain things have to be mentioned.

The sights of USA have really been impressive.

Though it isn't as monumental as many others.

But I guess it means more for the than many others.

Cause it was really a place where amazing stuff happens.

Fame is created, popularity is grown.

The people are so friendly I can't get used to it back here in Singapore.

The environment is so conducive for creativity, for growth.

For liberty. I'm very impressed by the country.

Nah, I won't be living there anytime.

Though it is a rather dangerous country and place to be in.

I really like it!

USA!!!!