I hope.........

Listening to : Starstrukk - 3OH!3

Trying to map out my life and where its actually headed to.
There're a thousand and one questions floating around in my head as to where, what, how, why should i do in life. Some of them can be answered real easily, some can't....
Believe it or not, I'm actually gonna ORD soon.
I've done a little reflection and I have to admit.
My NS life hasn't been the most glorifying and happening amongst the others.I do thank god for sure for the easy life that God has blessed me with.
In fact, only recently, my dad asked me whether I was stress at work.
Then it hit me, I haven't really been 'stressed' before. Everything I did or wanted to do was in control.
Even the toughest time of the dreadful A levels were easily overcome with strong planning done on me and my friends part.
I wonder how life would be when bad things do happen to me...
Yes there have been instances where life has been quite rough but never STRESSFUL.
I guess I have to wait for ORD and for me to start working.

Which then made me realise how unprepared I am for the coming future.
Whether I'm able to overcome them all when things really do come crashing down.
Will I really be able to survive the tough waves???

I would like to think that I have changed dramatically the past few months I stopped blogging.
I do apologize for the adrupt and sudden breaks from blogging. However, I do think its necessary for me to keep this Blog going. Its when I really want to pen my thoughts down which is when I blog.
Back to the topic.... I really would love to imagine that I have changed. However, I believe it is on the contrary. I have either not changed or really simply stagnated.
Perhaps it is just me. Perhaps I'm just imagining things.
But I'm shocked and pleased that I have yet to give up living life. I'm thankful God hasn't given up. I'm thankful my closest friends haven't given up on me. I'm thankful shiming never will.

The past few months can be pretty much described as really a hilly road with many many speed limiting strips.
Its been rather rocky and very uncertain.
There are days, weeks and even months where I really feel drained out, feeling that what I do can hardly make a difference in the world and the lives of loved ones.
Concurrently, there're times where I feel that I have the entire world at my doorsteps. I feel that I have so much to discover, so much to do, so many to impact.
However, the rubbish thing is that though both happens, both equals out. I don't feel like I'm moving both back and forward.

Maybe I should try to cry out for a breakthrough....
I have tried many times in fact, however, many a times to no avail.
I know that there's a time and place for everything and I really choose to believe that.
But it'll be great if that time is now. I know what MANY will say, i determine my own destiny.
Yes i know, be my own hero. I've always been inspired by such words.
How I wish I could live like that.... How easy it would be to continue this sentence with "How I wish I could live like that once again". I never believed in going back into the past. I never will.

So what should I do? Keep on keeping on? Keep fighting the good fight of Faith?
Of course I will. I'll do all it takes to move forward. Though I may be heading down at times, I never doubted the fact that I'll always bounce back up. Thats what keeps me going on.
I do hope that in this time, I'm being used in greater ways than I have ever imagined.
I hope that 40 by dec, 8 by dec can come to past.
I hope that I'm able to inspire others into changing.
I hope that I'm able to run like never before and determine my future and not the other way around.
I hope that the loved ones around me know that they're my loved ones.
I hope that if you're reading this, you know that you're likely my loved one....
NG SHIMING, I hope that when you see this, you'll know that I run for you. :)