I was approached by a friend yesterday, not in person of course, but online.
He popped this very surprising statement which made me think.
He said that he wasn't a great friend. That he had so many problems and that he wasn't paying no attention to mine at all.
The next thought was very obvious for me, he didn't need to do so cause I really didn't have any.
I'm too carefree, too relaxed to do anything.
No he isn't paranoid. Then I realized...
I guess maybe I do have some issues I never bothered to deal with.
I have had many problems which I just chucked aside for the time being.
Not forgetting those which have to bring in others.
Yeah, I've always said that I'm easily contented, happy with the simplicities of life.
But I've never really pondered and wondered, maybe that's whats wrong with me.
I don't want things hard enough, I don't think hard enough.
I met Celine yesterday, and she gave a very interesting comment after knowing me for a while.
She said that I don't think of the problems in life. I just look at the bright side all the time.
At times I wish that it wasn't the case.
Sometimes I wish that I was able to appreciate the sore things.
Cause that's when I actually do start seeing the things which matter.
When I start thinking if things will work out, maybe that's when I actually deal with them.
The fact that I'm thinking of it this way must mean that I'm actually acting on it now.
I have to be that change in the World. I have to be the miracle.
I keep saying that all the time, but before I do something, I gotta realize the things which need change, which need help in. Yes, I do need some pin pointing.
Tell me I'm a hopeless friend, I'm a bad lover, I can't run, I ain't cut out for this job.
Cause I need to know, badly.
Explain to me this conspiracy against me.
How can I be a fighter if there's really nothing to fight at all.
I'll be very blatant at this, sometimes I feel so forced to do certain things.
I feel so hopeless and lifeless to be actually committed to something worth committing to.
Perhaps I just have to start looking around for my purpose again.
Cause I don't want to be forced into one like a dog.
Yes, before SOT i need some help.
No I will not detach myself again, cause there's too much at stake.
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