It has been close to 5 years since I have typed anything here and needless to say, I am extremely rusty at this and this has really been a blast from the past for me. I figured now that nobody really chances upon this, and now that everything is really digital, I'm gonna use this as a platform to pen some thoughts and really, for myself now and sorry, no one is going to see this ever. I used to journal a whole lot to lay my thoughts out and i think that well, it was surprisingly cathartic for me. Maybe that's why or how I kind of lost my way? I just let the busyness get to me and I lost touch with myself. Perhaps it was the lack of connection and getting to see what I'm weak at, sad at, agitated at and angry at.
In those moments, maybe I did bottle it all up and maybe that was what caused everything to implode altogether. Too many ifs, too many perhaps. But one thing that I'm in pursuit of right now, is to have a clarity of mind, to be able to slow down and take it all in. I guess this is where I'm really reborn, from deep down inside out.
I messed up very much and I don't think I deserve or have the right to be happy from here on out but then, I do feel so. Yet I am torn because though I feel happy, I think I should be reflecting much more on my choices and what makes me happy and all. However, I guess in moments like these, I want to delve deep into my inner being, this abyss of a soul and find out who and what I stand for, what do I value, why I do what I do and to use that all to grow. Not what the world, not what the church or my family says about me but about what I conceive in my head.
In those moments, maybe I did bottle it all up and maybe that was what caused everything to implode altogether. Too many ifs, too many perhaps. But one thing that I'm in pursuit of right now, is to have a clarity of mind, to be able to slow down and take it all in. I guess this is where I'm really reborn, from deep down inside out.
I messed up very much and I don't think I deserve or have the right to be happy from here on out but then, I do feel so. Yet I am torn because though I feel happy, I think I should be reflecting much more on my choices and what makes me happy and all. However, I guess in moments like these, I want to delve deep into my inner being, this abyss of a soul and find out who and what I stand for, what do I value, why I do what I do and to use that all to grow. Not what the world, not what the church or my family says about me but about what I conceive in my head.
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